Friday, October 29
my oh my
yewazzzz....las dae of skool liao...which means i cant blog nemore....one thing to clarify first...i hate cheena scholars...take my comm...i cant blog ocs of u all...damn u lil mao frends...n theres o levels...wapiang...moe....y muz we take such things...its unnecessary man....totally.....cant absorb much more...like cant swallow...betty onli gavebme 0.5 hrs....so muz make it fast...new council out liao...lets juz sae...its rather unexpected la...wapiang...muthu sia...n joihn head....i always tot he would la...heehee....wadeva...damit...n theres atc...y iz my pic in the sea unit pics?i not sea sia...crap boys...i hate atc....new town...ctss...n kent ridge...jin tai oso....argh....i m scared...1 nov iz o levels...2 nov..chenge np u...5 nov....cid visit...25 nov kc camp...hmmzzz....26 to 28...ATC...screww it man...i dun wanna go la...it ends on sundae...wapiang...i dun wanna break camp on a sundae...its juz wrong....piss me off...all u bastards at hq listen up maan....its gay being a cadet like dat...all ur asses so high up on those seats...humph...did i mention the commandent fell on the rehearsal of npcc dae?heehee....nearly burst out laughing man...i duno whehter i going to b a ci man..no more confidence left....heehee.hols i gona get a job at baleno...yea...i hope so la....alota hours....bz...got iso...n sih teck hock iz my bio teach nx yr la...4.11 stephan....duno hus de ct man....hope its gd....
escorted @ 1:23 PM;
Tuesday, October 26
short blog
juz wanna apologise for saying such stuff bout dachi yesterdae...yea..he, russell n qian li gave me a bible todae lor..i showed it to shawn ang to appraise it n he saed it cost 60 bucks lor...oh my...thanx man...rili...still frustrated...laughed at the police talk in SAC....loh po sing....haha....human jibra....i like dat ite guy man...gd luck to all sec 4s if i havent wisdhed ya yuet....sheez.....hmmmzzzz.sian sia...boring...muz get that baleno job sia...heehee.....get money buy hp n more stuff...heeheen i still sian sia....frustsration still hanging arnd man....
escorted @ 2:46 PM;
Monday, October 25
tamade screeeeeeeeeeew it
yes....screww it man....my fever took alot outa me...dammit...had a bad hair cut....wadeva...wuz corrected....went bedok yesterdae cos parents wanted to buy ma piao again...tink there got luck ah?stop wasting moneyu la....den the whole place like neva welcome me like dat....it seemed like the place went:"zhe li bu huan ying ni, ni zhou ba"got pungent herb smell...cigarettes smoke were being blown in my face...had trouble even standing up...n the NTUC aircon so cold....had veri bad headache man....den gooing homew dat time parents started brooding on my o levels again...dammit...eerytime go bedok always ends wid such ubnhappiness....haiz....den go back slept damn long....forced myself to wake up...den started mugging for the first itme for o levls....tamade....quite ez lor...its not my ke wen hor...its the ying yong wen...alwayus fail....duno y oso...den dis dae iz such a crapped up dae....i heard my sis paid a thousand bucks for a bloody storage place...sis u tink u some rich shithead?wtf man....dad's been grumbling all dae....den u affect everybody's mood...wad iz wrong wid u man?dis family iz so screwed up....SCREWED UP.....we r running short on money n u sdtill wanna spend unnewcersary money....damn u la....tamade...doesnt help wen i hav a cocked up brother....full of shit.....dammit...all de time playing the com...mind iz half destroyed....freak personality...i swear i will kill him one dae man.....father alway s expecting so high of my olewvels wen he cant even spk cl...mum onli noe dis dat blah blahj blah.....cock....i c oso dun wan go home sia....its dese tgimes wen u juz wanna scream out loud la....npcc iz like still so lag...some loers still havent test yet....lung infewction indeed....full of nuts la....n den somemore yesterdae as i lay there thinking wid my thoughts in my head....i realised i hav been living dis de life wid nop purpose...no sport...no talent...haiz....been a fool in luv so many times...n the ppl which i dun expect to help me come n help me....one thing iz for sure...u cant expect me top accept u sia....yes i talking to daryl chia....walao eh...if tomoro i hav to c juz to talk to u abt God, then pls man...i tink qian li would b a better person to talk to..no offense...but i trust him more...n can relate to him more la....like i told u...i anti social to a certain extent....n dat extent reaches up to u daryl...its not ur fault....i dun accept help from ppl i dunno well.... i m like dat... i m disappointed wid my npcc unit cos they all practise such bad tghing n they wan lesser trng... i mscared of atc...rili scared...i dun wanna go....its gona b bad memories wid abrasions at the inner thighs....dirt no prob but CIs n tents n more nonsense...i juz damn scared la....brian saed it will b ok...but i dun rtink so...i seriouisly hav a bad fear for it...plus dat HI izdamn wad la...plus all dat chao na kia from kent ridge, ctss n new town...i dun like em lor...den somemore got dis yr add on nhss, tanglin n rv....so many more....wapaing....i certainly wun go there happy la....i hate that camp site....nat camp, atc 2003...worse...if maz wan me go CITC i oso gonna cry....i m so scared la...listerning to luv songs....de depression seems to b creeping back....it doesnt lie wid de studies...its wid de family....its always like dat...den it affets other...then i gonna die in grades....i hate dis o levels...my nbro has a hold on me...evrytime i argue wid him in front of my parents..he will always mention this then they start nagging at me....i m so pissed off n feel so hel[pless at the same time....dun comie tell me howe much God luvs me...i noe dat...but he gave me dis brother....its a curse to me....haiz.....u c daryl chia?its not dat kind of too long i hav been sitting there...i culture my spirit myself....nobody talks to me abt it...cos i such the loner...i listewn to scripture...but dun force me to pray out loud in fronbt of u....in DISC, i m both a d and s...i hav equal score...i tink oso hav the shy part...dis iz de shy part....if u try to co,me in so storngly, i willl feel cornered...i oso duno how our pb noes my blog add...its creepy man...dat wadeva i m writing here iz gona b read by some guys hu i dun noe welll....hmmmmzzz...all dat i saying iz the truth la...n its cos of my fever dat i sying all dese....i tink it did something ton my brain...haiz...it oso brought the depression....i dunned a shrink or any dude to talk to....even f it iz, i tink it would either b ming wei or qian li or cheng...even then, we cant talk so much in depth of my life..neva deep ok?
escorted @ 2:11 PM;
Friday, October 22
dis iz gona b the short post..
short post....down wid fever...sec 2 squad suck at promos...got poem
"fever"
i had a fever
cos i tot of u all de time
neva giving myself rest
juz tinking of u all dae
iz simply intoxicating
much as it seems to take alot outa me
i dun care
i juzkeep thinking of u
whether yuen gi n aaron were rite
wjhether i will neva b good enuf for u
i juz love u too much
to stop tinking of u
haiz...
but do u ever realise it?
heyz i noe itsux....on 2 panadols man....not so pain to look at the screen opk?muz rush orthe dfamn library gona close on me....fever go away...
escorted @ 10:47 AM;
Wednesday, October 20
rage
hmmmmzzzz...rite now as i m typing dis...i m being pissed off...yea...my results i quite satisfied...go hokme onli to b put down by my dad...den he starts reprimanding moi abt my lasd minute work...veri funny ah?i mug so hard...feel like some kinda genius n den go home kana grumbled...wad de nuts...frustrating sia...all de time compare urselkf to me...wal;ao eh...u wan compare?u n ka ming alike sia...malaysian scholars...mug hard...till nose bleed sia...both wanna b docs...NO LIFE...LOSER...dats wad u both r ok?ka ming doesnt talk so much otherwise he woiuld kana whack la...quite nice guy la....but my dad...tell me not b so cocky...n den show off his power rsults..hello...eva wonder wads hi iq low eq...LOSER...haiz...den he tell me study for o level chinese...darned i tink my chinese gd...so i gona start nx wk...den he tell me he expects to ge 80 from me for that...dumbass...dun u noe dat o level papers dun get back one?well...u wan so muych outra ur son...n u suck urself at chinese....piss off man...go learn from the CC members first la...haha...N I DUN HAV A SINGLE SHOU CE...study wad? air ah?veri gd ahj? my prelims neva study at all got 65 lor...how often u et such results...non appreciater...loser again...tsk
den dis morning....samson started insulting us...our class.bastard...called us hi iq low eq freaks...in a way he trlkaing like dat la....he tink he how gd ah?nearly threw temper at that la....humph....den idle for quite long time....wanted to blog thru laptop but then its missing...n kang di din wan to heklp me ask from jeff...some frend...so slp until now go library.....blog...blah blah blah...stoopoid leadership camp...compulsory..i dun wanna go nx yr lor..but its a muz...wads wrong wid pre ib pupils dat everyone to throw stuf at em?
n dis iz my blog...those hu wanna offer advice...pls ah...tag...otherwise..dun sms or tralk to me abt my problems..i m onli opewn to close frends...u cant expect me to open up so much to ppl like dachi n russell....n dachi...stop asking me HOW...its irritating...dun ask howz my life...how dis n dat....its gettin on my nerves..i noe u trying to help me... but i tink i can take it from here...u wanna giv advice or talk...TAG...dats wad its there for not for sopme no lifes to spam....GEDDIT IN UR HEAD!!!
n dis de public apology for vera...sori vera for being so insensitive yesterdae...i saed dat f9 iz onli common sense...i could sense de pissed off ness from her sms...sheez..i shgldnt b so insensitive...i tink dat muz b my prob...insensitivity....personality flaw...sori vera...me rilil dis de thousand apologies....hmmmzzz....such a gd frend...haiz...rili shldnt treat her for granted...heeheee..oso my fault that she get such bad grade la...i wuz the one hu wuz teachijng her chem lor..meyb its my facts not rite...haiz..sori vera....
todae no poem...too pissed off...apologies....tomoro la....
escorted @ 1:47 PM;
Tuesday, October 19
results
wa hoo....results came back todae...now i in mr room blogging....lets c my results...but first muz thank God for moderation to makemy marks look big wen got some like crap like dat...
bio...63%
higher chinese...66%
chem...65%
Lang arts...52%
a maths...68%
c amths...74%
Introductory to human societies...72%
physics...70%
Philosophy of discipline...66%(muz b the lucky dice)
average...66.2%
dunnno whether like dat can get my dream hp like de k500i or k700i...dey chao ji nice lor....n now kang di iz playing somecrap music on his ipod...HE DELETED MY JIAN DAN AI!!!!! in my bks dat iz considered a serious crime to me...to even delete a jay song for some crap songs.....haiz reuslts considered ok enuf to not get axed from council la...but i dun tink i gona survive de voting process...heehee...poem time
"dream"
las nite i had a dream
where i saw ur beautiful face
held ur preddi hands
on top of the building
i hav no idea y...
u were on the brink of death
n i had not told u dat i luved u
woke up feelin as if it wuz real
i realized dis feeling came from the fear dat i would lose u
how much i wana tellu how i luv u
how ur coming into my life proved to b a gift of God
its rili gotta b a miracle....
back to the dream...
a beautiful one became a nitemare where u fell from the building
n i still had not told u i luved u
i wanted to hold on to u
never let go
even at the time of ur death....
i will hold on to u...
cushion u from the full force of the ground...
hopefully u would survive....
hmmmzzz....sounds kinda sad...rather morbid too..anywayz... de words juz come to my mind n i juz typed in la...thanx jeff for ur nice laptop so i dun hav to compete wid de ding ding scholars in the library...tho u dun noe me, i still thank u...
escorted @ 10:54 AM;
Monday, October 18
tomoro iz results liao
haiz....i m one big ol sighing machine....always start wid some unhappy tots...hmmz...dun tink i gons get into council...meyb its beta dat i dun la...yeaz...anyways...saturdae wuz dads bdae...dudes 50 man...oso hav sec 2 promo test for cpl...wad can i sae...sec 2s r half pthetic half pro....den dads bdae ok la..went out celebrating...dis dae oso teach me alota stuff la...it juz tells me dat my dad iz already 50...time sure passes fast...dis caring father iz gettin old...n i still 15n god noe how many months....den on sundae...watched part of pearl harbour...soooo touching story....well.. de luv story iz la...such a simple luv...rili funny to c all dose pilots picking up those nurses...haha...den got online lor for awhile...den todae...chapel wuz a meaning ful one....i tochad de funky video, lay it down...veri touching...haiz....i made me realise how ez god's way iz to us...alll we gotta do iz juz walk thru te door that jesus opens for us...haiz...n oso god iz not honoured if his laws r broken no matter wad de reason....hmmmzz...deep in tot...tomoro results coming out sia...bio gona die...chem duno..alta stuff duno la..all i noe iz dt dey wun b satisfctory 4 council......
time for the poem
"neva let go"
in de sea of luv
u r one particular fish
i m a fisherman hu has tried to catch u
somehow...
u r dis particular fish dat i wana catch
not any other ones...no matter how beautiful...
its juz u i muz catch
sometimes i tink i hav u
sometimes i tink i dun
but in reality its always de latter
how ever, no matter the number of failures
i will always try harder...
wid de same ol hook n bait
amt of bait may increase tho
wen i do get u(i hope)
i will struggle n fight agst all de elements...
to hold on to u...
n protect u from harm at the same time...
wadeva the measures if its in my means
i would even lay down my life to do dat...
but...
i will neva let go...
boooo!!!!its quality lacking man....but its a way of frustration...n spkingof frustration....the library iz chao ji ngiao lor...let all those scholars take de com...den they all surfing the same site...wapiang...den dat betty lee oso so pajiao....lili bit oso shout n scream...its a library u noe....i dun like her sia....dr ong...giv her a lesson on politeness man...if i actualli get to go for council interview wid dr ong..i m gona raise dis issue man...humph...n giv boardig skool more coms n internet access la...wapiang...den those jokers dun come to library to hog ALL the coms...humph...yea...
escorted @ 1:55 PM;
Friday, October 15
dis de voting things
yesterdae de voting things vwuz de screwed up tings....i saed i din wan to apply for council den there were exclamations n gasps..i feel so guilty...asking so many ppl to vote for me den tell em not applying for council...haiz...feel so sad 4 u all...sori oeij n shaun poon...n gang....den thursdae nite, watched sg idol...oh my gdness...they sing like wad la...none of em were gd man...n chris lee shld b thrown out already la...heehee
todae i calculated my CA marks for semester 2, den manage to pass man...heehee...after all dat sucking...i actualli got a pass...haiz...den wong li nap sae clas average for end of year iz a fail...shiok sia...onli 13 ppl pass chem la...hope one of em iz me la...i study so hard for chem n den hear dis kind of depressinfg things...haiz...juz where di i go wrong man....haiz...simply where do i go wrong in chem....it seemed so ok....i meqn i actualli understood de paper lor...
poem time...
"silent cry"
a forlorn heart
crying ever so loud
inside the chest...
besides its monotonous beating....
how can u not hear it...
its so loud
so hurtful
n full of pain...
i can hear it so clearly
listening to jay chou songs dun help
n u juz go no wid ur life asper usual
obliviousto its weeps
being the deaf one
some how to u...
it cries out in tormented silence
done...ok...gotta go to tsk lecture....
escorted @ 11:37 AM;
Thursday, October 14
dis de daily entris
wa piang...juz de sian tings u noe...oh my..me dis de talking like de devan tings now...blah blah blah....haiz...later got council voting....wad to write for me speech...nothing duh...juz hope dunhav a zero count vote lor...been a lil bad prefect dis yr...done some upright tings at the cost of frendship...sheez...my my my....oh ok..not much damagew done..i better go b4 the commm lock again..i tink form now on i bloging every dae...
"i m nothing"
i aint anything big
i aint a sports man
neither m i rich dude
i cant giv u much happiness
but my heart is all ican giv to u
i wish i could protect u
or see ur happy face evry day
it would feel like de sun rise up on me
i am not big wid the poetic words
i cant write u some big ol love poems
but this one
is the one i giv to u
i hope it means something to u
i feel so helpless
being unable to protect u from harm
all that i feel for u
i always tell u in the form of the wind
it caries my msg
where it passes by ur ear
but u neva hear it....
to u
all dat i m
would amount to nothing...
ok, dis not de tru tings ya? juz like to write such nonsense la...juz got the mcfly song..veri realistic sia...hehehe...hmmmzzz...my poetic skills kinda suck la..but still...any comments juz tag lor....
:P
escorted @ 10:18 AM;
Wednesday, October 13
postexams 2nd blog entry
hmmmzzzz....all my marking daes were wasted...sheez....wkend...watch finish de new heavenly sword n dragon sabre series...its a cool ending man....the luv story had a happy ending...haiz....yupzzz...mondae...tried to look for a job la....went parkway....saw eunice n vera...vera quite blur...seen my pic den neva recognise moi...tsktsktsk...den mondae i realised dat God does giv u ans.....i asked him some questions...yes means a honda will pas by n no means a merc will pass....dotz...den all the toyotas started going past...haha....but still got my ans anyway....den tuesdae...did nothing...totally....stone....den todae..got some physics workshop...so booooring...den we got a pic opf the lecturer n started "designing" it....so now finish lor...blogging....haiz.....heres a luv poem....crapz...even changed my frendster name to luv poetzzz...hmmzzz
"the simple luv"
i neva used to believe in nonseizable luv
till de dae i saw u
it mus hav been God hu let me meet u
wadeva it iz, i fell hard for u
u hav so much pain
i m so willing to take away for u
n wipe away dose tears
juz to see u smile n dose stars in ur eyes
simply makes my day...
wen u r feeling weak,
i want so much to help u up
n run the race with u till the end...
everytime i day dream,
i always imagine u n me together
sharing a simple luv
juz like in the jay chou song
whispering sweet nothings to each other
holding u tight in my arms,
wid ur head on my shoulders...
i wondered what it felt like hugging u
i guessed it mus b beautiful
sigh, if only u can hear my heart
how much i wana tell u wad it saes
but then again
in this lil dream
where u n me are together
so close like a couple...
u were neva really there
done by unknown poet sean lee, unpublished, uncopyrighted n unfamous
ay i noe it doesnt ryhme or something la....dun tink so much abt it ok... n dun find fault iwd it ok? haiz...tomoro council voting....wad speech to prepare?probly cant last fifteen secs...heheehe....senior prefectship here i come!!!
gd luck to the lil saints cos they still having their exams( n my bro iz in there)...yupz
die ah...hope my results turn out ok sia...hehehhh
escorted @ 2:09 PM;
Friday, October 8
EXAMS R OVER!!!
YES!!!!finish liao...whhoooohooooo.....yea....a lil review of the things that happened to moi over these daes from honours....ok...i lent my pants to the board to some acjc dudes...den they tot they lost my pants...haha...panic sia...den dat dae i went to board to collect lor...lucky can find man..otherwise hav to borrow sopme dudes one...haha...den move tables...felt scary dat the eams were gona b de nx dae...mug chem dat dae wid yuen gi n aaron in scouts den..den yuen gi kep on kachiaoing me wid his cd...haha...nice sia...but got mcfly's obviously...haha....de lyrics veri de wad la....den i understood chem..YEA..de chem paper like ok l...chinese compo wuz chao ji ez la...ok beta not sae...later fail ppl laugh...den i finish like half an hour b4 time up...wuz writing chinese lyrics on the spare paper...den it wuz lang arts and ihs....hwa...dese two muz bulll alot leh...i neva study de ting la...culdnt b bothered la...essay qn oso can do...pro sia....den wkend wuz mugging time man,...bio wuz chao ji stress....din mug finish de plant...den talk to vera on sms...haha...distract my self..hahaden POD all dat philosophical nonsense wuz like meaningful to moi....haha...applied to my studies n exam answers....core maths gona like juz pass...physics siao liao...tell some grand ma story sia...haha....study all de formula n den come out some grand ma story....two marks write some suiper long essay...den HCL i tink can pass la..in fact can get b3...how ez la....i din mug de zhao ju...i did de meaning lor...adv maths minus 28 marks for leavingqn blank....den tode bio...haha...laugh sia...mug so hard n guess wad?so li.l dat we study came out la..haha...wapiang....scared man...haha...haiz....n went cine wid cheng liang n paul yong to buy one cd...den come to some lan gaming shop...i dun lan la..so use internety to blog...
NOW, i would like to thank the scouts for letting me use the den for studying...marian,vera n cheng liang for taking my mind off the stress wid their wonderful msgs..russell dachi n john i tink the whole acprefects la....ms chia bee teck for teaching me how to study well..my dad n mum for their neverending support of me trying my best n my dad teaching the menstrual cycle..ahha...gynae wad...God hu has always been there for me even wen the world seem so alone...yuen gi for his mc fly song...devan for his wonderful accent dat i m hooked on to
WHERES MY JIAN DAN AI????ding dong blogger conveniently dun play
by de way, alvin yong, if u r reading this...i sae u r one back stabber....click on esther's blog to c y...RI GEP...humph...
Good luck to the rest for their exams....God bless...
escorted @ 1:06 PM;
