Monday, February 28
academic awards
ooh lala..i got a lousy lil b3 for my cl o's la.havent told my dad.man, i gonna get an earful mon.and i aint givin up hcl.cos its damn troublesome to take the bloody thing again.and its the sae syllabus.damn boring i probly gonna juz do it within 1 hour and crush up the lousy question booklet and then...get a b3 again.so i resolve to doing this.take hcl o levels.try to pass.actualli i signing on for fun's sake.tho we are forced to.and i probly aint gonna study or do it slipshot style.then still take chinese b in ib
today acad awards.bo school.juz do duty.duty slack sommore.then release results.went sim lim with kangdi.bought two cds.cheena ones.real and cheaper.ho bo?
reach home.then i read the convo with mingwei las yr.the fateful.i would hav posted it here.juz that..alota angrystuff and also too long.laughed at myself man.for a moment i wuz like laughing at this guy.then i realised it wuz myself....haha
haiz. i feel like quitting npcc liao la.i aint gonna giv way to some stupid geps..no way.dun tell me love my enemies.i wun...and i lost my squad's contact list.i m missing synapse for this.its not worth it man.and i wun get the t-shirt.crap man.
some stupid BLACK saint andrews guai lan go and do hate crimes.wads wrong with him?are all saint andrews ppl like that.he go and burn my brother's arm with a smoking pork la during home econs class la.damn big burn stain.i tell u man.lately i have not been getting any great stuff bout them.and each piece of news bout them juz happens to b bad.the prefects fight.wth man.taekwondo champs fighting each other.burning ppl.its a school of hate crimes la.full of shite.and thats praising em la.wad kind of shite school my father enrolled my brother in?shit...and u noe the biggest irony.that time when my brother consulted me for advice on what schools to send him to, it wuz me who actualli suggested such a vermin school.i feel like i signed him onto a school of pain.hes not accepted not my problem.but burn?!wads wrong with them man?! ARE ALL OF THEM LIKE THAT?!have such blooody gangsters....if i had contacts in that school i would hire a buncha ppl to go beat that bastard up...like make sure he cant use a limb for the rest of his life...ya wadeva man.thats violence and it aint gonna work.but if u see me with a bottle of "OFF" and a lighter...beta tell k sevan to run man.cos hes gonna become black bagua.whole body....ok i shall not bother bout it...shall not think bout it.breathe in and out.juz hope it doesn happen again..juz make sure that boy quits npcc before i become a ci ya?strong hint on my cca in ib would b where ya?
escorted @ 7:41 PM;
Sunday, February 27
nothing to do
ok...review of what i did juz now..went parkway with my mum...bought david tao's cd...saw daphne at the cd shop liao but wuz like hiding my face or something la.i heard her voice.by the tim i could actualli recognise the voice.they were gone.and also i wuz reading the sypnosis of a vcd series...then bought a new shirt...as in longsleeve one..then went out and saw daphne and cherlene?and more cornerstone ppl.i think vincent?and the other guy couldnt rili see his face...
buying shirt cos have to use blzer and stuff two days..alamak.using same shirt is juz gross so i decided to buy lor...pity those convent schools prefect exco..have to wear cerems all day...poor thing.very stuffy leh..and also pay $ juz to buy shirts and extra cerems..and those dun come cheap...lucky our school dun do that man...then muz pray for these gals?
tomoro o level results coming out sia....my mt beta b ok man...cos i gonna scream if it doesnt...haha.gd luck to all the sec 4s of 2004..
escorted @ 5:56 PM;
Saturday, February 26
me with the attitude problem
lets see wad m i s'posed to say here...
my brother i asked himbuy the once a saint shirt and he screws up a job.shows me much of how ppl do this kind of things like buying something simple.wrong size.wrong colour.and throws a temper at me.tell me why i didnt beat him up?dunno man
yiyang..poor thing.wednesday bit his lip with some mega ulcer and then he wanted to clean his blood on my shirt then shahir offered his cheek..nojoking.then he wuz like moving so close but not touching then shahir moved his face in...then loooked like a kiss la..shahir getting gayer and gayer...thursday, yiyang wuz at the stair vcase door at the agro lab.then his hand or middle finger wuzstuck on the wall..then dim opened the door alil too hard.it swung so hard and the metal handle crushed the soft part of his figer...i tell u i turned bright red at the tip and yellow in the middle.his whole nail wuz like yellow la..scary sia..then he wuz writhing in pain.dim wuz going sorry.then the worst thing wuz when milton came and saw it and triedto make a joke of it...yiyang got pissed off la...haha.had to bandage his fingers sia
then did my chinese project.any topic...ho bo?did one on love songs..chinese ones....copy out all the lyrics sia..4 onli then did reviews on em...haha
then hand in yesterday,then mugged for bio test(obviously gonna fail cos i couldnt answer some qns and the stuff i actualli wrote down is gonna minus more marks...possibly a single digit)core maths wuz quite easy la...but also no time.didnt draw the incircle at all..booo...after its RELAXATION TIME...HAHA...met samuel eng at the space frame.then he went to pang sai.after that deposit his bag at boarding school...then took a cab.and the best thing wuz we had to go and find the place on the roads directory for the driver....
then reach there.got greeted by some prefect..went to the audi...mingchun came late..bugger left class early to collect his blazer....not valid reason sia..then ceremony started..oh did i mention their council president looks so much like some tao nan nite i rmb like few years ago....cherrie yeap izit.?she came for our invest.then it wqent on...the guest wuz super william hung la..hes an mp of some place and also a doc.he looked abit like hung..haha.then sing school song...their school song rocks..like some musical like that..i like sia..got rhythmn thats faster than a moving turtle(namely ours) then the tour started..i have to say...we werent treated like some bao there la.not that i expected them to.but ri and sji kinda got alota attention..haha.then the tour started.or rather the reception.then there were like 4 gals supposed to bring us around.onli left two...natalie and michelle...then their secretary yan yan came la..then she said john wuz not so tall...hey power doesnt come in height ok?i think all the schools i have been to...the head prefect not exactly very tall hor...esp tkg.oh my....shall not elaborate....haha but she mant it in a joking tone la...their school quite big la...and got the cat "tiger"some fat cat that sprawls around doing nothing.then yan yan went oer to pet it..i bet it got scared of me la..i have th smell of a dog...cos my house has 3 dogs...heheh.quite cool la their shool..dc is run around the netball court 2 or 4 times...then we went back to the audi...they took a pic of us i tot it wuz like unnecessary lor..like we aint allowed to exchange contacts.hello? then the most unethical statement came from some ri freak....hey can u send us the pic i wan the pic...wa piang eh..desperadoes...then they took of us la...yan yan wuznt in the pic...alamak..haha...ok i have committed a very serious violation here...i gave her my yahoo mail..not my hotmail or wadsoeva ok?thats cos she insisted on me giving la....she wanted me go post the pic on our yahoo groups...hey but i gave her my yahoo mail...i dun even use onli to recieve docs of huge sizes or for messages from our group.thats all man...and its purely to get the pic onli ok?muz b bloody mature ok?haha...then some kc gals came and ask me if i went to iginte...if she hadnt asked me i wouldnt have known kc wuz ven invited lor....blazers look so alike lor..but i also dun rmb em...the indian one maybe ya la.but the other one..bo rmb leh...then shook hands with the prefects....and said gd bye.man i dunno but yan yan look darned familiar la..like some xiao mei mei..i noe she came for our june act las yr la( she told us) but my memory where got so shen can rmb everysingle gal that came to june act?whats more the stc gal in my group in juneact gone jc liao...haha.yanyan rili like small gal like that..her hands are so small la...then i shake hand in firm grip one lor. if i wuznt shocked hr hands were that small i would hav crushed it already...scary man...
then rushed back to school.sec 3s off that day so i free.maz wanted to see me. i saw her.then she talked to me about the flag raising yesterday..gd wad..i had to appeal to her to let my best ones command yesterday la.other wise it would b me commanding again.muz giv em the confidence trng...hahacos the other 2 days they have been screwing it up la..so muz prove that they can do it.then she talked bout my attitue problem...for two whole hours..man sandra sim talked to her bout my unhappiness with npcc la...i noe i have an attitude problem..to pl i dun like.what u expect me to do love them?sory man..ifi dun even look at em as humans i cant love em...and they're gep....hell i do know i m attitude slacker..ri teacher said i not fit to take her squad la...u see i refraining fro using the term that means female dog here...cos i put in so much effort to train the squad and she tells me that.or rather mzlind tells me she told her.wth man.then what u wan..others?u think this squad is easy to control.have to b brotherly to them alright?rili man.i hate her la.ri shite..then mazlind told me change my attitude...she expects me to b super loyal to npcc...forget it man...another inicdent..thursday, she called me to tell me that there is some atf going on next sat..yea.if u actualli paid attention, nex saturday is plmgs synapse.i said ok in january to john.and now she juz popped up and told me i cant go and offerred to talk to bongard.wads the world coming to nowadays?i have to sacrifice some great convention for prefects for some lousy day in pulau ubin with geps and other npcc kia i rather not think of...oh well..look on th bright side..its probably God's way of telling me..."no girls for u sean"sorry....oh wellz, juz gotta suck it up la
today went to school to discuss nco camp...then we cooked out alota sadistic stuff for em to do..heheh...then i missed gundam seed and xun yicao.....argh...then some mg gals came to school to watch the romeo and juliet...then the prefects doing duty tried to act big with me..to show off in front of the gals? damn shallow sia
escorted @ 2:53 PM;
Wednesday, February 23
ah beng prefect
ok...i m typing here in board room...cool huh? and i typing stuff bout like almost bad stuff la...ok firstly i m pissed very pissed
did u noe after the inrternet session i had on saturday, myt mum made awhole bloody fuss outa it.wth man.my dad wuz like talking bout my future and then my um butts in and talks bout my internet activity.wad the hell is qrong bout goni on the internet for a whole afternoon. i m damn pissed off.she muz make a whole hullobaloo bout my activities whjen she doesnt noe i need the internet to go and do stuff. i had to hand in the bloody attendance list that mazlind ask me mail to her.then i onli get to use the com for leisure pruposes one or two time in the wkend.and she proposes me to stop my chatting altogether.God forgive me but right at that moment i felt like giving her a punch.and she wuz like asking me to giv up chatting.f***(sorry)i m dman pissed off.i wanted to ask her back if xhe can giv up her bloody gambling. the bloody toto and 4d waste so much of her money our money that my dad copkains we run short of $$.and he blames me and my bro for using my $$.man, i hate my life.no luck in love no luck in studies.cant sleep well.parents are like this.and hell...i cant go church man.i m swearing like hell.this sucks man.its so unbecoming of me la.man, i wanted to renounce my blood relations with this family.this family doesnt care for u.wad the hell are u hanging on for.$$.i need support for my living purposes and wad so ever.gimme a billion bucks and the paperwork and i will go to a new family.get a new surname.i m damn angry.DAMN ANGRY.like blood red.this life sucks man.i dunno why the hell i m born.i wuz like having tears in my eyes la.a few rolled down.stupid shit parents.the brother is a bloody lee kuan meng.the onli friends and family i have is acpb, scouts and more ppl la.and my sis.thats all.the rest arteba buncha hypocrites.ppl hu dun care for me anyway.i cant forgive u for what u did like that. cos its a scar that cant close.heh....
then hans wuz talking to me bout it.then he told me to hope.HA.hope.i dun hope anymore.its juz a pioece of false relief for ur troubles.what hope is there.there is no better.cos the onli way the family is gonna turn out is me splitting sooner or later from em.cos..i cant stand tyhios kind of nonsense.
then there wuz subject combi for IB..haha.decided to do bio at standard and drop physics.back up route in case cant get to law la....oh well...
using too much chinese swear words in class.and john wuz givin me the disapporvingh look when i used tamade in shaun choo's class la.beta control myself man.hahaz
u noe i have nothing beta to say la...wednesdays suck juz uas bad.but not so tiring la.i m damn tired la.i didnt ewven feel like coming to school this morning la.i wuz juz damn tired of mondays.wad the hell man...and to make things worse my sec 3s go and fool around with my morning arrangement of commanders.wad is wrong weith them la.all so bloody scared.ay they think i first time wouldntnfeel scared ah?in fact my first time sucked la.buncha cowards.
ARGHGHGHGH. i rili wanna scream la.i cant take so much bullshit la.my WHOLE life is like full of crap and yesterday, i wentr to my uncles house to eat.can see from him piling all that food onto my bowl...haha.then i realised how muchg he cares for me la.oh wellz.then my cousin got a beta hp than me la.haiz.
woke up tyhis morning and got a bloody bleeding nose in the morning.shit man.,screw the weather man...it sucks.so hot.then abit of rain.then classroom air con not owrking.so bloody HOT...and no ventilation.worose than fan classrooms.screw all that.it sucks totally la.i m rili rili rili rili rii rili rili rilil sian of life already.nothing seems to b looking up.
u see mikhail hes some weird shit la...got he and his gal pic as wallpaper in his hp and then he wuz waving around.then when soeone asksa to see it he says no.wth...guai lan.scouts day wuz ok la.then yesterday when i finish eating all that going home that time, then i saw my cousin neighbour house had some dalmatian that doesnt move.so stone la.i tot house trained.then its like some ornament.then inside got some chij gal la.kc?i dunno la.then she saw me looknigin then her dad also stand up to see wad the hell is going on man...scary sia...
board room got some kc bear then alota ppl are doing all kinds of atrocious poses of it with the rugbyt bear.sad sia.like that also wan cheap thrill....
i dunno what to do with this life la....feel so down.then i displayabnormal beyhaviour..taking of socks in class.cos somehow the damn thing is juz da,n hot la.felt so kun...haha...
yesterday oral comentary...talked bout love wit the teacher.haha.not gd speech la....spastic
thius life sucks...
escorted @ 3:11 PM;
Saturday, February 19
pisshead
damn pissed.at the whole dman system there is.ok lets spread it out here
firstly, sas.i realised that my brother is like a bloody lee kuan meng there.lkm is a loser in my class.pl target him for cheap thrill.i taling bout my bro now.ah.he complains ppl disturb him.that ppl like to irritate him.that he thinks thenwhole damn class is agst him.that he has so few friends.,sounds so much like lkm la.and hes like defensive and all that.man. i hear him also i have to defend sas here la.wallaneh.its not their fault those ppl like to disturb him.hes juz so spastic.yea knowing that they can b such NICE guys.i dun see how the hell they can make my bro's life living hell.of course i would apporve of such action la.hey man i would even join in la.but hell, i m obliged to protect him.screw that la.i aint gonna do no damn protection.he probably deserves it.thats for being some gay ge shit.u dun even belong to sas la.this is a boy's school.wad u expect that they treat nicely?its like the rule of the jungle.bully or be bullied.yea.nobody ask u be so asshole rite?even i think so too.poor sas boys have such misfortune of having a bloody joker like him inside.and i hear the blakcs in sas are bloody guai lan.no racism here. but they are guai lan in every school.alwasy trying tob diff.huddle one corner.probably take drugs.and one of them does tkd.or so i have heard.walao eh.bastard.tkd is for self defence.nnot for playing around.ppl spar to improve.tkd cant go ofensive.cos it sucks a offensive.cos u SURE gonna LOSE in a street fight like that la.in acsi its like that.sas will also like that.i wun b surprised.we are the rogueish schools wad.doesnt matter whether w are top ten.but our mentality is liek that wad.we aint no scared of breaking my fingernail ri or flicking the wrist sji...so all those bloody guai lans...pls leave my brother alone. i know to make this ppl can get high one but its damn ugly when my father comes to settle stuff ok?its for ur own gd la.stupid la class of 2a trstan lee.gay fag.
ok spking of LKM...hes freaking pissed me off man,thrusday i wuz sleeping in class during recess.then lkm go and eat in class.me bing so bloody anti of this kind of this. i told him to stop.,he stopped.the n iwent back to sleep.its onli 20 mins sleep wad la.then i heard crnkle crinkle again.i woke up and saw him eating AGAIN. i told him stop eating.then he tried to act xoquettish(how sick is that) and wuz playing around when he said no.he wuz like thinknig i m playing with him.then he says he trusts john.wth?!i swore i oculd have given him a punch la.no thats too light. i would hav sent him to hospital with a broken spine.then i forced him to keep it.then one las time i woke up.,john wuz in class.dammmit.that bloody fartbag go and ask johgn and all that. i not saying bad bout john.but lkm goand hide behind johns power.WTH?!guai lan.no balls man.i AHTE SUCH attittude.so he gets his way.ha.but u unleashed one side of me ppl so dun wan to see.i wuz damn pissed off.i din get to sleep and lkm hides behind john.dammit.eaing in class?!i ahte ppl hu go and challenge thte law la.if u eat and u know its wrong then i wun b pissed of at u. but u go and eat and u say its right and say JOHN SAYS SO.i tell u i will whip ur arese uppside down.dammit.hiding behind councillors.thats damn jian la.i tell u if i applied for council and signed up for a year of pain and stress i will refer u to bongard immediately.but i din apply.damn it.i hate such ppl.u think councillors make up the board.wrong.its the prefects.hell, u dunno how much satisfaction i will get if i even gave him as beating and made him cry and send him to hospital. i hav violent tendencies ok.i smshed kangdi's solar plexus in sec 1 before.lucky it wuznt fatal.and i had to go for counselling from grace kwee.boy that sucks man.
the whole damn system is like lagging.i think we aref too easy on these bastard.i dun think such things make em reform.its juz troublesome.dammit.dachi and kah chee made discipline into a club.beat ppl and still they come back juz as bad.if i were them i would mould into a knife.with a touch of finesse.kill these bunch's pride and they wuneven come back.i tell u man.picking up litter aint gonna work man.and DC is like given too few tiems a wk. we should not b a student council when we have dicsp[line matters.so u can all kiss that plan gdbye for now.cos its not gonna work.with all due respect to the council...i demand extreme immediate action,as in monday it will start.project purge.i wan to lower their ugly pride.that they dun go so cocky and think we are useless.that they think they can flout the law w/o blinking an eye. i wil make em regret that decision.we need to do extreme action man...and that lkm actuallil blamed me for sending him to dc hello?he kana bk 3 times liao.not my fault ok?then he say i double book him.nobody askhim so late.and the discipline deparment would noe wads late two times a day bto b one bking wad..stupid lkm sia.
i m a man full of angst if u ask me.i despise the new sec 2 prefects.esp douglas wong and jonathan wong.new prefects shouldnt go for invests.not juniors anyways.cos they are asst.why de hell does the council let em go rg.cos of them.two gd slots are wasted.i couldnt go.i feel guilty taking john's anti stress activity so i din go.but this tw obastards took the damn invest.if i had gone for rg.it would hav been the complete set of gals schoos i have gona for.i would hav gonae for one chij, nygh, tkg, cedar.only left scg.but thats cos i wuz in kluang.cant help but miss it.i took out my temper on the lower sec ppl la.i forced a boy hu wuz drinking from a cup to take it bac to the cafe altho he claimed it to b water.but i juz said"i dun care..u bring the bloody thing back to the cafe and drink it finish there. AND throw awqay ur cup."and i win of course.with all those pe teachers watching.haha.then i booked this marc goh.then he came down and kao bei me.cos he brought food out.i yell at him to stop he dun.so double time.then he kao bei me.then i realised hhis reason quite reasonable la.so cancel lor.cos he had some tournament then that wuz his lunch.yea.but i still gonna whack those two asst prefects.discipline has been taken tothe next leve.watch out...
yesterday commanded again.cos johan refused to come to school.these ppl skip school ju to avoid commanding.so i wuz reserve.david ang's l;ist.trng wuz ok la.then david ang touched my squad. i told him to piss off.haha.daryl lin did anywayz.then had to rush to the air port to send sis off.it sucks man.that she come back so lil time with us.then go again.i gonna miss telling lame jokes to her la.miss making fun of my brother in front of her.haha.its damn stupid la.nobody cried la.walaoeh.its gonna b four ppl again.haiz....we all gonna miss her anywayz
joo chiat cc is a bitching cc.take out te bloody padding(body armour for sparring so as not to hav a bleeding kidney if some joker actualli kicks you real bad) and then train kicking.onli.no sparring. i tell u i had so much anger i could hav killed someone man.ok juz kidding bout that.i m waiting for my black belt gi to come.officially sixtenn and a few days.and i m black belt.no moree junior bllack ok?then teach pattern somemore.frig him la.
watched hellsing with kangdi.the anime series.then he burned the soundtrack into a cd and gimme la...hehe.such a nice friend man..
next friday going to stc.bloody buncha joker toook st nicks.i gonna kill those two or something la. sec 2s again.hate this buncha new blood.piss me off onli
escorted @ 2:14 PM;
Wednesday, February 16
wednesdays suck big time
yucks.yea its damn bad la.cock damn tiring had half the mind to pon today or even go home sick heheh.but didnt la.oh nutballs la.zhi wen gal gave him a bloody tamgotchi among a whole arrray of stuff.my gdness, of all things muz get a tamagotchi as well.wad tyhe hell la.he spent so much money on jewelery and then she just giv him a whole assortment of bloody things probably including a buncha guy flowers.haha.shall not talk bad bout his gal here.
then damn sian.yesterday tried to finish 1984 but got feed up cos too damn boring just did the erp w/o finish reading only to find out that the deadline got extended.cock.then yesterday, felt so tired that i wuz doing the asleep with eyes wide open during eyes wide open.lucky me...rachel cheung caught me la."that prefect is sleeping"then i wuz like huh?then i wuz no la.then i repeated the last thing she said before my sleeping thing.hey, brain still recieve info ok?dun mess ah...but confessions.hell, i wuz sleeping la.think her lecture so power ah?
then today, super sian lor.do duty also sian....just super tired la.i gonna pon school one of the week a wednesdays man.it totally sucks la. and i freaking burnt my fingers during chem prac.touched the clay triangle to soon.then psst.ouch.lucky neva try to touch the crucible man..
then yesterday, my command wuz pretty good man...as what other ppl might say.exdperience what...do how many times liao.then today bronson commanded ok la.then i wuz like did i sound like that yesterday?yikes...
then zhiwen keeps gaying around me la.and also asking me intro him some more gals.wa piang.infidelity man.those kind wan to have back up plans if break up so that wun b unhappy.and he treats me as hid pimp la.tamade
ok the lyrics we have been waiting for
"forever love" by wang li hom
aini bushi yinweinidemeieryi
(loving you is not juz cos of your beauty)
woyuelaiyueaini meigeyanshenchudongwodexin
(as i keep loving you with each passing moment,ur eyes move my heart)
yinweinirangwokanjian forever cailiaojieziji
(cos u let me see forever, i understood myself)
weilaizhexierizi yaohaohaozhenxi
(the future we must treasure)
aiwo youxietongku youxiebugongping
(loving me as abit of pain and unfairness)
ruguozhendeaiwo bushilisuotangrandejueding
(truly loving me isnt an obvious choice that u would take)
gandaonidehuxizaiwoerbianxiangweifengshenqi
(feeling uir breath next to my ear feels like the gentle breeze)
wenroudeanfu wodebuanding
(ur gentleness comforts my discomfort)
suoyiwo~yao meitianyanjiunidexiaorong
(thats why i want to look at ur smile everyday)
ooh duo mer zi ran
(ooh, so natural)
chorus
forever love, forever
wo yao yong wo zhe yi bei zi qu ai ni
(iwanna use the rest of my life to love you)
cong jin yi hou
(from today onwards)
ni hui shi suo you xin fu de li you
(u will always be the reason of my happiness)
ai qing shi chang zui yuan zui mei the lu xing
yan tu yu jini ning ou er zhu ai wo men de qian jing
gan dao ni de tiwen zai wo huai li
xiang yang guang he xun
qiao miao de rong hua wo de bu an ding
zhen ming wo ai ni de li you
ooh duo me zi ran
chorus
ni gan dong de yan qing
wo chen mo de sheng yin
fang fu jiu shi zui hao de zheng ming
jiu rang wo zai shuo yi ci
i love you oh
( zhi dao yong yuan)
chorus
gd song to sing to ur gal...but its kinda too late for vdae liao..
slept tyhisd morning whiole waiting for duty tyo start....before kd woke me up to ask me if i completed erp...man, for that half hour, i wuz dreaming bout las yr la...tthen woke up with some strange feeling...ahha.then it disappeared.cos the damn buncha memories juz moved so fast.hard to remember what i dreamt...oops then....
friday hav to send sis off to airport liao.tamade.so lil shi jian.then muz rush to airport somemore after np trng
this friday oso got rg invest.contemplating whether should go and snatch it from some juniors...ahha...
escorted @ 3:09 PM;
Monday, February 14
valentines day and invest
valentines day...spent with four men...yucks..oktoday wuz invest.super stone.curse and swear cos wake up so early.tamade.then rehearse and then real thing started.yikes.then the worst wuz the guests were LATE...and wads best is that they get ushered by bongard sia.hwa.special treatment...then invest started.blah blah blah.the cert time.francis called my name and then there were giggles from up stairs.walaoeh.same effect with yiyang la.nvm.bleahx.then it wuz reception.dou nai again!!!yucks.dun u noe i HATE suchstuff..damn sick la.vomit sia.then me and sia beng leong nigel incharge of kc tour la. with szu szu as sec 3 stand in...then walk around.could recognise most of them la.lynette, charlene.sherlyn couldnt recognise.sorrry.i dun have the most photographic of memoriesthen saw monisha also la.see her at almost evrytsinle ac invest.then zhong yuan wuz like racist agst the rg prefects(side comments la...)then she asked me to get food for her...hello. food is for guests.and onli they can touch the food.i aint gonna touch no stinking chee cheong fun or dou naithen then monisha kept asking me to get her the bloody fishballs toda bao home.ARGH....kiasu sia.then walk around.then nigel and his tight blazer wyuz damn funny la.not that he knew or what.he wuz like ok lets go.then i ask him if know their names liao.then he go and say okok lets make a pit stop and intro ourselve.cos w combined with st margs.sia's idea.not mine.then we not allowed to use lift then he said exercise gd for legs.so dun use lift.i tel u hes dman funny la.surprising for him la.i tot hes gonna b some cool punk.not like that la.then i wuzasking him in the rehearsal wad size his blazer wuz, then he wuz like shut up la....sheez. sorry.like hello? din noe it wuz THAT tight.....poor thing la.then half way talking cock.zhongyuan told us have to take photo.then hav to go lor.then wuz damn ji la.cos so many BLOODY DELAYS.wa kao man...then ran to cafe to rejoin, then not there.ran to library, then they down ther.then szu szu hp oso like spoil liao.cant contact.%&#*&$^then not long after talking nonsense with them had to go AGAIN.this time its the board photo....so bade em gdbye.we the most gentlemanly la.din even send them to the bus stop.cool huh?then take photo.then go bio prac.then pc talk slept all the way..tan see keng should do something bout his way of talking la...so DAMN bloody long winded...slept man.i tell u.then after school stay back to do bio.supposedly.then realised that it wuz valentines day and that i wuz spending it with 4 other men.nathaniel goh, jonathan wong, bryan, and kangdi.wa kao.they come np room do nothing but create trouble sia.kd whack jon wong till tears came out of his eyes.then they broke two campcraft poles.ARGH.not opening the np room anymore for them la.
then the most touching thing is minyang's bdae gift la.he gave me a senior petrol leader rank and the first class scout's badge.as a brithday gift.its very touvhing to me la.i noe some ppl would juz think its juz two pieces of cloth.but its so much more meaning la.esp from the most pro of scouts..minyang...thn russell oso said happy birthday la.shook my hand and all.thanks too...kd bought for me the wang li hom cd "xin zhong de ri yue"...china version.cheap but original.hwa seh.shiok sia.such power friends
ah but the foto shoot wuz a bloody crap thing la..rush here then back again.then rui xiang kept saying that prefects should stand.tamade.ask head prefect stand.asking for trouble sia.then we sat la...take foto.damn gay la.stupid fotos muz schedule for today.of all days.then adriel my man kept asking me to buy flower for the kc gals.then at the end of the day also he dis appear.so bo flowers for them..ohhh.haha.then during the board shoot.while waiting...i freaking fell asleep la.like juz boom sleep.so tired sia.then marcus and fahrul kept talking bout the gals.and blah blah blah.irritating sia.so and sos is quite chio.so and so is ok.so and so like hu.brrrrrr.
then the most immature thing to ask me is whether the gals i taking wuz chio.esp zhi wen..walaneh.got gal not happy. muz ask me whether chio bo..i aint no judge of looks.i din ans him at all la.haha.then the most IRRITATING question came out of the most surprising person...le chern...."did marian come ah?" arghhhh....she doesnt need to come.hello?grrr..irritate me sia. then they see me in so rush to get back to the tour.then call moi despo.ay ay ay....muz confirm facts first....this is my LAST year.i wanna do something funky.obviously the invest wuz super stone.even they thought so..they is guests.so funky cant come from the invest.but from the tour.so obviously i try my best to get a gd impression of this invest and not have gloomy thought bout our own school invest la.
but i tellu la.wad rili made me laugh wuz nigel sia la.damn funny.haha.oh mon.chao ji hao xiao sia. then after school din wan to b caught with shirt out...cos shirt so bloody SHORT.lucky i brought extra t shirt and shoes.the blacko ones were cutting into my heels liao.so change.become look like some hwa chong kid.with the cream pants la...i m like the onli prefect hu does that la....
haiz..valentines day...spen with four men.yucks .then yesterday, wuz complaining to of all people glen..so wouldnt b blogging bout such frustrations here in this posting.....hehe.of all ppl glen.i havent even met him face to face la.then juz pour out troubles like that.wouldnt care if hes like single word reply like icic..and oh ok.ah but nvm.i still dun throw frustrations here.gd rite.yea.feels weird pouring out troubles to someone u dun even noe well la...yvonne wuz a bloody hoax liar.so cant trust her.then theres glen.funy that i would pour out my troubles to this unexpected..rili unexpected..
shite...tomoro muz do command for parade.farrt bag david ang go and put me down on first day of commanding.great eh?praying hard that my voice dun go in one night.and that the voice doesnt go the up squeak at the execution command.ARGH.this time got timing somemore. what nonsense wads wrong with baris sedia baris dahat sedia sedia( its supposed to b setia...school got it mixd up) and baris senangdiri..now muz sedi sedia.then 2 3 up! thnafter pledge muz do baris sedia again.wa kao bei...hope man.not trusting.murphy's law.i gonna slap thee thing behind murphy's law.whack that power that brings this law into effect blue and black..dammit
escorted @ 8:02 PM;
Sunday, February 13
post birthday
holy....first i wana thanks those hu remembered my birthday yesterday and also the belated ones today...lets state the names...mingwei, yiwen, aaron, kangdi, mamon(hus dat?), kar kin, marian, joseph, eugene cheng, yuen gi, weirdly randall,harumi, glen, kai li , dazzlynand more...
woke up.got some angbow.hey sixteen man...thn waste time till afternoon.went joseph house.dad gave me some funky talk bout gals and relationships..like hello?i m sooooo not in a relationship.why r u telling me this..esp stuff i noe already.....damn wad la.couldnt watch my xun yi cao properly.tamade.haha.then went joseph house.met a few of those cornerstone ppl.then wish abit.then watched MOVIE...my sassy gal...super funny la.and also touching..very.then watch finish.had to zhao liao.quite sad ah.like onli go there watch one movie and then go home while the rest went on to eat steam boat...thn today atew at jack's place to celebrate ...felt guilty cos ucking a lota money for some probnably unworthy cause la.hundred bucks for a meal.tight for $$ man...haiz.then saw avery there.but he DIN say hi.ARGH
before i went joseph house, i dropped by tampines mall and went walking around...dropped by life bkshop.hoohoo.spent some quality time bing counselled by bks...bout my bitterness..there are such bks bout them la.even if it wuz one page, i also wanted to buy the bks la....they told me alota bad stuff bout bitterness...ok some of it is described in "forveer love"...basically they talked bout bitterness being unhealthy.and that being bitter is still being in the dark.walanehand being bitter is to commit murder.sheez.abit of bitterness oso cannot.....haiz.read alota stuff bout that.wanted to read the bk finish..but time constraints
argh...dad refuses to get moi a hp.cant blame him la.bo $$....frustration.trying not to feel like it.man, like waiting for a miracle to happen to get either k700i, 6230 or 7260...A MIRACLE!!!!....argh...like some rich guy gimme the hp la..belated bdae gift..ahha....juz kidding bout it.....
escorted @ 3:28 PM;
Saturday, February 12
sweet sixteen
ohho....i have nothing to blog bout cos its like 1am in the morning.i m like 16 now.nobody can say i m a BLOOdy young lad now....man i wan a hp..hell, i aint hoping that my parents will gimme one cos they aint.its bout high time i changed that black ol 3100 with that dangling jingling chain with my name.and its jay chou wallpaper.haha.bout high time to get one witha cam with blue tooth plus ir plus mp3...yupz...its either a k700i or 6230....or settle for worse a 7260 with no mp3 and bluetooth...hehe.
sis made me compromise...sheez.means i aint gonna go running off whatever i have on her great birthday.hey.call me petty.but i m an extreme person.dun tell me to suck it up cos i sure dun believe in doing such a shitty thing as sucking it up.hehe
and well, to the LIAR...its not easy to b forgiven.u gotta at least show abit of sincerity in asking for our forgivness.me and kar kin.i not asking for the moon or something but i aint gonna believe any bul that u say that will explain ur arse outa this situation.cos y?ur ambiguity juz makes ppl distrustful.its gonna b hard man.when u lie bout the very background u tell us...hard to retrust...reflect on it
tomoro going joseph house bai nian..oh yeaz...talking to mingwei now...great time..hes the first one to wish moi...hoho..thanks mw...
escorted @ 1:11 AM;
Friday, February 11
holiday
yes.freaking holiday where we do nothing..juz sit on our butts and stare into empty space try to catch mosquitoes.and probably decompose for one day.nothing much to talk la.tamade.or nothing to recount..at dads frend house..met colin cheng and played the drums there.hwa shiok .the feeling comes back man..hehe.then went aunts house to eat dinner.wan to bao liao and then still hav to eat sia.haiz.then my cousin and her husband named their son gabriel.ok.shall nt think too much into that.sis went out.then we came home.
and at that house,i see my other cousin obviously having a great time with her bf.whispering all that sweet nothings.bleahx.man, what if we were juz some stake in a betting game between God and the devil.man.i hate to think such a way.oh wellz.man i m struggling.
after talking to qian li, he awakened all kinds of bloody nuts that i rather kept down.wad the hell man?! its juz plain bad la.Qian, do u noe what goes on and on and on in my mind evryday?work, work, work....so that i dun wan to rmb.wad so ever happened las yr.heheh.mindblock.thats the thing man.i m a bloody nuthead that thinks 24/7 .nonstop.cant stop thinking.thinking of what?frustration.if i dun blog, my head would bao zha.
tomoro, my sis complained that shes busy tomoro.going out with her frends.mkaing out with that ruikun whicvh she quarreled( and he had to msg me to tell her to call him..wth?so not treasuring ur love man?)....if u call that busy...well, not my fault that the 12 falls on the saturday right?somemore say, u wun b home....haiz...this feels super retibution like man.ut i din do anything evil to her.hell, i even came back from that bbq(ran in fact)when i could have got high...but no.....i had to come back to celebrate her bloody chinese birthday.and now shes like oh yea i gonna miss urs.oh wellz.u know what?i dun giv a shit?i juz hope ur bloody plane crash then we dun hav t pay no $.i sound childish?sorry man.but its like the onli birthday that she can spend with the family and she rather goes out with her friends.that my family for u man.soooo loose relations.the elder brother hates the younger brother.the whole damn three children are fighting agst each other.
oh sheez this life sucks man.like invest is gonna b super boring..i dunno whats wrong with the school board that they muz make an ivest soooooo solemn.like sing grace kwee's hymns.man, i tell u that lady is traumatizing.bronson always asking me to go cf..likesorry.cant b bothered?cos of grace kwee?and the weird characters that are inside cf too.why do we hav to standand sing hymns from the gd ol hymnal?y cant we hav guitar and drums mon?every chapel blah blah blah.heez.invest no diff man.muz do something bout it....
God is one hu goes and arrange for u to taste some sweet fruit only to have some bitter aftertaste....its like taste sweet then go sour then bitter.bad fruit man.being a human has its bad.el condor pasa.only us have this choice of going into heaven or not.whether we want to believe in Him or not.we are the onli race in this whole universe whos got this choice.so says gabriel.all's fair in love and war..i m babbling.not that many ppl read it anyway
hell, i m listening to forver love by wang li homm....does it make u feel better?music supposed to soothe the nerves man.....sheez....try this song...so full of hurt.
"Careless Whisper"by george michael
I Feel So Unsure
As i take your hand
And lead you to the dance floor
As the music dies
Something in your eyes
Calls to mind a silver screen
And all its sad goodbyes
[Chorus]
I'm never gonna dance again
Guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it's easy to pretend
I know you're not a fool
I should have known better than to cheat a friend
And waste a chance that i've been given
So i'm never gonna dance again
The way i danced with you
Time can never mend
The careless whisper of a good friend
To the heart and mind
Ignorance is kind
There's no comfort in the truth
Pain is all you'll find
[Chorus]
Tonight the music seems so loud
I wish that we could lose this crowd
Maybe it's better this way
We'd hurt each other with the things we want to say
We could have been so good together
We could have lived this dance forever
But now who's gonna dance with me
Please stay
[Chorus]
Now that you've gone
Now that you've gone
Now that you've gone
Was what i did so wrong
So wrong that you had to leave me alone
escorted @ 11:45 AM;
Thursday, February 10
CNY
CNY galore man...start from reunion dinnr after that..went cheenatown.then got forced by mum to protect sis.not as if shes some bao.all the chi ko pek oso wan.walaneh.somemore so big size.had to go and push em away and then they hit my leg.hwa seh.worth it or not.for thwarting ppl attempt to molest my sis.sheez.came back.slept soon after.kun liao mah
then first day, stay at home whole day lor.bored until drop dead sia.sorry if i say so much dark stuff but its cos i din say any yesterday.then at night went to juniors house.with rui kun and my sis la.felt outa place there la.i wuz the youngest lor.junior whole family swimmer sia.thennover there kana forced y some small kids to play black jack.haiyoz.then he lost interest in moi(thank gdness)...and juniors dog is sooooo CUTE..its like super small and super curious and its attention seeking....then over there i learned how to play mahjong....sounds bad eh..xiang ying drove us there.then she picked her friends.roy and jasmine.and some guy i dunno la.then he go eat.i playe mahjong for him.first time won lor.then after a feq games.had to go home.quite late liao la.then rui kun walked my sis home.then hold hands and eveyting.haiyoz.then took a cab to eunos la.did i mention that xiang ying's car wuz so small and there were alota ppl fetched.dunno whther its her sajc khaki or not la.hehe.feel what constantine said got some truth to some extent.that movie really shakes some ppl belief in God.God is big baby with humans as His toys....hes probably making fun of me la.the whole party all shuang shuang dui dui one.dun hav gu dan de xin.wadeva.man i ril dunno.i dunno how ppl can gamble unitil so much la.went to uncles house to day.ate.then they played blackjack with money la.play so big somemore.haiyoz.like that got shiok meh.i jthink money is juz plain rubbish la.how can pl fight over someting with so lili value?in fact no value.this is an evil world la.money.wadeva
been doing alota thinking.i dunno man.think think think of alota stuff la.not that its constructive...oh wellz.gtg again.go to dads friend house.
escorted @ 3:43 PM;
Tuesday, February 8
liars and the thread of fate
yeaz...one thing i hate most is liars.esp ppl hu try to save their arses after they kana jagged.wad de hell la...i do an iso on ppl like u all and u think u can salavage the situation now?walaneh..save ur explanation la.maybe if u hadnt given urself away by refusing to show ur fotos or said all those lovey dovey words...i would hav believed u.but then me and kar kin and dom compare details and then u seem to have more than one school and live at more than one address....that rili pisses me off la.cos i rili rili rili hate ppl hu try to remain annonymous.i dunno how u gonna explain ur arse outa it.some dumb childish game u playing?go pick some ac guys and try to fool around them as much as posible.i bet ur explanation is gonna b another web of lies to cover this broken one.hwa.happy spinning ur tale ah....and if u lie that u are a christian, u shldnt man.u r either christian or not.and christians dun lie.at least not unnecessary...wad de hell la?u juz proved my iso hypothesis rite la...sorry if i sound that harsh.but i seriously hate ppl hu lie.i may lie myself but i feel bad afterwards.and i juz ...i dunno try to unlie myself out la.talking nonsense now
watched contatntine...din go tao nan la.went west mall with cheng, sam, kd and eggy...it wuz gd la.it gave me ideas on God.tho its kinda bad la.cos constantine wuz about satanism.he wuz like insulting God...how He wuz juz a big baby with humans as his toys.and He and the devil were making a bet to see stuff bout humans.and that Gabriel wuz outa his or her mind.Sattan had a son called Mamon...the funniest part wuz when constantine wuz going to heaven cos of his lung cancer.then satan had claimed him as his own.but he wuz rising la.then he said"this one is mine" then constantine showed the finger.while he wuz rising to heaven.haha.super funny la.then wen home.searched the whole of there just to see if any shop sells gundam seed soundtrack.oh hho dun hav..all sold out.alamak.i din noe so power sia...
then before the movie, cheng wuz like asking me bout how love and fate sometimes juz dun click.i made this theory that fate is like some tapesty of history.everything is all written down.even if u force also u cannot change the script.cos its all there. thats thwe cruyel thing bout fate.tho u hav a gal that noes for so many years.she doesnt love u back.its not anyones fault.its juz fate playing a trick on u cheng.i had bad experiences.that some are juz you yuan wu fen.that some juz click together like that.others.no matter how hard u try also unattainable.its sad.but its life.suck big time.turns ppl bitter...no matter how hard la, still cannot one la.dun bother.afternoon spoiled by one saint andrews boy.tot west mall not a place where they will hang out.but apparently no..saw one there.funny man...one guy.
then, my bro kana recognise as my bro by som zhabo in ps.heh.dunno hu she is man.but she took my bro's popcorn....haha.gd work man.that punk can do w/o popcorn for a day....thanks to that anonymous person cos my brother has rili bad memory.cant even describe her properly...tsktsk.oh wellz.thanks anywayz.
cheena new year coming liao.muz shut mouth.need masking tape man.haha juz jk.reunion dinner rocked la.
listening to forever love by wang li homm.totally nice song....
russell called me yesterday when i wuz doing locus...kinda gd that he called la...showed that someone cared la...today almost all free periods.first three all cheena.so no teacher cos she involved in cny concert.heehee.then 20 mins of nirmala...she oso dun wan teach.so we played polar bear.imagine that la...a whole buncha sec 4s playing polar bear.with jloh somemore...fun sia....oranges by ken sia became projectiles to throw around.oh wellz...splat splat splat
happy cny anywayz....:)
escorted @ 5:09 PM;
Sunday, February 6
slacker
yesterday, went taka.damn boring juz go there and taste tast taste.then my brother's rogueish behaviour wuz damn bad la.he knocked into zhabo and then she said ow so bloody loud for elaboration.then he wuz like not my gf wad de hell i apologise for?sheez man..roguish totally.then reach home, watched ghost.its so touching la/a love that went beyond the grave....and the unchained melody song.hoho.it wuz a gd show
man, i saw th poems i wrote in the past, then i wuz like whoa...how the hell, did i write such stuff man....haiz...even milton got a gf man.wads the world coming to....then today, evrybody's temper wuz like on a tight line like that.lotsa yelling.and ppl shouting.sucks totally.
then juz received a bloody email from mazlind asking me to redo the bloody attendance list for sec 3s.wth?!i m damn pissed off la.then she say i m slack.anywayz i alrady done that piece of shit for her.its yeo peck hong's job...hello?then she say i hav turned abit slack...its not ABIT..its alot man.and shes annoyed..hey, u took my position u expet me to work xtra hard?ok juz kidding bout that.juz dat nowadaes i feeling so dead.by friday, i wan nothing more than juz to go home and sleep. after school.but theres npcc.and hell, my bloody ocntacvt list wuz left in the bb rooom la.wth.got it form np room and then left it in bb room.shit.THIS SUCKS.life sucks.i have lost my discipline.i havve become some laid back bastard.i m wasting my life awaybut i still do hw.i sleep in class.i do stuff that piss teacher off(hey, but that time with my shirt unbuttoned cos it wuz damn hot in class and prefects had to change after PE beyond 1 period after that i wuz still feeling damn hot...then kana called disgrace to the board...aiyoh)its not i wan to slack.its juz that dun see the good in training this squad.i mean.this buncha ppl are one helluva hard to control.las time maybe i might havew more confidence.but now..its all zapped..i not even sure of what i can do now.shaken totally la.man, maybe be when i bought that leadership book for marian i shoulda bought one for myself too.but its doesnt matter to me.cos i probably won't read it.MY way of leadership is MY way.i wun accept anynew ways of ppl editting...and she even asks if got problem wan talk or not.haha.talk.thats one thing i dun do to teachers.theres ALOT of stuff i dun talk to ppl about.one npcc teacher iszn't gonna get any closer than any other ppl hu hav tried..i m a bloody island isolated from the rest.i dun hav close ties to many ppl.therre is a limit to what i can talk to ppl bout.not even the scouts.or kangdi.or council for that matter.senior prfects.or wadeva friends i have outside.they can onli go as far as the surface of the sea.the seabed is unreachable.i m a loner despite talkin bout so much friends.loose ties.mazlind doesnt know what i m going thru rite now man.not even a fraction.the gep issue is one part.the other part is my commitment to npcc.its juz died.evrything died.i juz wana sit own on a grass patch where theres endless grass and juz look at the BLUE BLUE sky underneath a tree.with a field of sunflowers behnd me...a rainbow in the sky.with the wind caressing my cheek.be away from all this trouble.maybe read a book or something.hell, i have so much stuff to do la.nobody said being a leader will b easy.i m so tired.if onli i can just stop it all together.i feel so full of fatigue.and worse, i have to fight this darkness that keeps giving me evil ideas.bad thoughts.i juz feel like i have two selves la.light and dark.one wans to discriminate and he is so full of grief hatred and bitterness.light wans to forget.forgive.its like a tire just having these kind of choices la.so so so tired...God grant me a gd friend that i can talk my whole heart out to him/her.ah but then, He doesn't attencd to those who are double in spirit.and i tell u.this dark self.he has wreaked havoc before.puts bad thoughts into my mind.i dunno whats happening to me already man.really.what i face the world with is with a mask.that i m stil some happy go lucky.some person who doesnt give a damn about stuff.man, actualli i do.icare that tings are gonig the bad way.
storm of the mind....all causec by one simple heartbreak.a recovery that went the wrong way.hence, i feel there's something wrong with me now.i think too much.and i cant stop it.even when i eat or relax i stil think bout stuff.of my life.the straight line on my palm says so.so many bloody palm reader have said so.even the famous one i asked on the cruise las yr.haiz....
sorry if i creeped some ppl out.its just what i think is going on in my mind la...i dun hav a split peronality la =P
ole...happy birthday daphne....or advanced birthday..tomoro...
escorted @ 4:46 PM;
Saturday, February 5
spiritual dryness
how do u experience such a thing?lets talk bout yesterday first la..yesterday, had invest rehearsal....then kwong wuz like dun swagger up the stage.then i wuz like walking the normal way(swaggering),then bongard told me to stop.then he told me this and that.then i said sorri sir.then i talked to yiyang thinking he stopped pursuing the matter.nabei, hes damn long winded..wakaobei sia...abit of a swagger oso kana scolded...evrything osokana scolded...the board supposed to b fun u noe?not so GLOOMY under such scolding...so far, ALL the fall-ins with him always end in a strict tone..man, there should b some nbasic dicsipline la.but not so much as he scolds us evry fall-in?!evrytime i go fall in i see him, i groan in my heart all the time.cos i know his food for tot always something got to do with disicpline.man, why couldnt we get some other teacher take over karen liau..shes like a mother to us la.and HE?scold scold scold...nabi.chao sian la.swagger oso scold so much...then i wuz late for the np meeting cos of his FOOD for TOT and SCOLDINGS.shreya wuz later tho.then saw the teacher in charge of sec 3 squad.then after all the admin stuff, we did rthe most unthinkable of np cadets....slack.yea.xinglongsay wan to teach them how to raise the flag.so we waited for him.he wuz uncontacted and so we juzsat at the amphi theatre talking cock..i tell u..full half hours man.then HO came..then decided hav to do something,so we moved the squad to the drnking area to slack..anyone come along just say having water break..so we juz slacked and wasted one training...cool huh?i duncare man.so lili time.and also so unpredictable weather..
then at night, juz sat in cpa for the inauguration ceremony of npcc council.dunno why they use our school.so tense la.so many high ranking officers.the CIs, the HOs, the ASPs, the DSPs and got one SAC.scary sia.later do something wrong, then kana scolded like shit.but neva happen la.then the ncdcc cadets were damn low discipline.abit oso sleep.then talk somemore.suck la.
then there wuz the dinner after that.ate alot la.like 4 mango puddings and a whole assortment of others.then we talked to this staff sergeant in SPF.ezra lim.he talked to us about Christ.surprising huh?we met him at the revolver shooting contest last year june.he told us to pray.and that what we see is very valuable.we see with eyes of a christian.many wise men wan to know what we see.they try so hard to know that, but they end up unable to.haiz, if onli i can ask him what happens if God doesnt giv u an answer.i tot God always gave answers to all questions.or rather stuff that they ask.how come he neva ans mine.i kept asking Him.haiz...ezra relit th dying flame of faith la.i wuz like wher are you God?then after spking tohim.the flame got beta.oh wellz, my question still remains unanswered.so frustrating.then i read Job yesterday, like some chapters.he wuz lamenting to God why He does such stuff to Job...God answered him asking him back stuff that he dun comprehend.izit rili that we hav to ans such questions then God will ans our questions?we will neva know the ans la.and i juz hav lost my faith in the word called "love".its so full of bitterness.a dream that will neva come true.probably a curse that feelings for a person shal neva b reciprocrated.that muz b the curse on me.in that case, like i said, i aint gonna trust in "love" or what He tells me about "love"...
heez, i wana ride a bike and ride as fast as i can on a one way road that is straight and feel the wind blowing in my hair.then take a pit stop on a gren meadow...where its all green with fences and sit on the fence and juz think of nothing.juz stare up into the sky and ermz...thnk of nothing.nothing of my life.
going off track here....
escorted @ 2:27 PM;
Thursday, February 3
sianx...frustrations read posting before
yea...super sian of week a thursdays...suddenly my duty post got so much business.so many lte comers...muz update bookings lor...its thursdae.oh wells.sian.twenty minute recess damn rock la.run up and down.after phytsics prac then ruch down.ten mins left.queue up.eat.buy drink and run back up.and managhe to b in classs before venu rao.cool huh?bad for the gut.if onli the board will take away one period for each subject.then it would beta.oh yea...happy birthday yiyang..kana stripped by ruix and gang.haha.then las period nirmala gave us sweets when we were feeling so DEAD liao.it wuz great man.then paid attention to las period...for the first time man.she wuz taling bout that funky scene between romeo and juliet when they were like meeting for the first time...all that talk bout pilgrims and saints.then they kiss..i hav to say juliets a sucker forthis kind of talk man.wa lan eh.evryone noes such talk dun charm anything.not even a flower man.and they hav dirty hidden meanings toooshahir wuz showing what some words meant to him...dirty bangla...u see, hes damn idiot la.hes a muslim and he eats pork.and he does this super irritating thing by replacing shit or f*** with" oh my god"always shouting with that sharp deep voice of his...its damn irritating la...one moment omg..another moment omg...until i wuz damn pissed off, i shouted at him to stop calling God in vain....these people hav such disregard for the Lord.so irritating la.man , i rili lost it today.hahaz
hot tempered this days.vent it on discipline cases lor.i scared a sec 1 la.he wuz on the mrt.then he wuz drinking some gay tea.then i wuz like damn sian so i wanted to get some cheap thrill( sec 1s are super afraid of prefects...sec 4s at that)i went up to him and said ay u (points at the no drinking sign)then he wuz like okok.then enva keep.then i said louder.ay punk look la.u wan kana izit.wearing school u somemore.asking for trouble ah...he keeps the bottle...and rui xiang calls me a bully...had to go home so early juz to accompany him.so yea. see this joker...oh no m i turning into some clement lin?
u noe i juz saw wad i tagged on glen's blog few days ago, then i realised thats me?hello?how can that b me?its so POD-ish and so full of christianity when i dunno much?eh?but still God doesn reply to me bout the quesions i post on my previous posting.haiz.yoyo God, gimme an answer will ya? second time requesting liao.oh wellz...
escorted @ 7:47 PM;
Wednesday, February 2
bitter
haiz...yesterday, went to raffles city with zhi wen and alex and joel ong....alex and zhiwen wanted to buy prezzies for their gals from perlinnis silver...yea...take damn long juz to find a perfect ring and necklace...zhiwen even had to call his gal's frend to get her ring size...tsktsktsk...dun even know his gal's ring size...not obervant enuf ah....hehe...then FINALLY after so many bloody hours of waitng,we went to burger king to eat..it wuz like how late la.then alex wuz like rushing us to eat faster cos he had a CURFEW at 430...and of course he couldnt make it...cos by 430 we were still in the mrt going home..then go home.learn chinese test then wanted to go downstairs hav a breather...my dad wuz like asking me look at thte bloody nus ad on tthe newspaper..asking me to look at wad courses i wanted to take in the u ...pls man.i m still young man.haiz.then i told him i wanted to drop bio in ib,then he got tempered anbd started nagging in my ear....i wuz dam pissed off...i havb no control of my life like that.i m so depressed.everything oso he want to control.everything...religion, subj combinations.maybe even the gals i meet.nuts
then i went to bed.as i sat on my bed.the radio wuz playing yin yue ri ji.then before that when i wuz studying, it wuz playing forever love by wang li hom.then somemorte i saw all the sstudent couples in raffles city and the one that rili struck me wuz the chij gal with some guy in an ex restaurant.haiz.then as i tot of this, a tear juz suddenly came out.then, i started crying.shit man.it sounds so gay la..but hell, i started crying...i kept asking God why did He hav to arrange for me to fall in luv again, to meet a gal i would fall in lucv with and then break my heart.that after three times, i stil end up with a bropken heart and a lower self esteem. i wouldnt care wad others say bout it being too young for such styuff.thats so old fashioned.i can handle my time well.u noe, its so ironical that iactuallli had to remeet this gal from june act and then end up having my heart brokwen by her....not i feel antything for her now la.but then...i m bitter.that i cant get the gal...that i en d up losing...i m a sore loser...in luv i m worst at that.i try my best not to discriminatre and i dun..i stdill dun...i m juz damn bitter that i cant hav her heart.that it is after all juz a lousy one sided thing.that my heart has to b broken a third time.that ppl are happy and in luv living their lives outside.while i m here stoning not daring to call anyone or sms anyone bout my probs...its jus damn frustrating la...i mean,i already fwelt it that it wuz going to b some punsihment...hey but why?sao many times too...first one hates me...second one is materialistic and doesnt even noe i exist...the third one is troubled and doesnt wan anythihng to do with love....i keep telling myself that i hav let her go....well i think i hav....but i still feel so bitter inside....like some part of me is unilling to accept the truth...wanting to punch some sanddbag and rili whack it hard until i break my foot or something...hell, i wanted to end it all when i wuz crying but thenthe second floor will only break my legs maybe even maim me...wouldntn wan that to happen...a question marks remains in my mind.why?why me?why not some jomker hu hasnt fgallen in luv before.that i ahv to b degraded beyond all levels.that i hav to suffer such a lashing from the heart.that i hav to end up feeling bitter...that i hav so much yuan qi in my heart...yuan as in man yuan the yuan...i m juz so full of questions...but then He doesnt answer me...i cried myself to sleep la.sounds pathetic.it wuznt meant to b.yea.liang ge ren bu deng yu wo men...a wang li hom song...heheh.it means that two peoplke who meet by incident need not b a couple..i m juz so tired i dun think i would bb dfalling in love in loooooong time...with a heart full of bitterness where can love stand?nowhere.
i hav lost myself so much that i actualli realised that i aint no bloodty romeo.my ring taste sucked la..i tried to choose one for zhiwen, then he said it sucked....whats happening to me?i rili dun know man...but i m living life still.how about an answer God?
well i still slept well nonetheless...the earliset i slep this whole year.i dunno what else to say man...i actualli cried las nite la.its something serious.like the tearts that should hav flowed then flowed yesterday.nonstop for like30 plus mins?yea.but i dun think i sufferring from depression.its juz that i m gloomy.dark.angel of death heh?love hurts.what sucks bout it is that after it has left the thing that kills is the bitterness from not having it...not the brokenheartedness.
escorted @ 3:21 PM;
