HARGHGHGHG

oh yeah...i've got a renewed passport.oh yeahh...

today is the day that i went to CIBTC last yr. heh..i rmb getting stoned that day.alota talk talk talk.kinda boring. and i rmbed one CII at night.we were marching back from our nice scolding session by two shorties and a CII(i wont say who) just shouted "why are you looking at my face?!" man i swear i almost shouted back that there was nothing to look at but i controlled.

i rmbed the first day of awkwardness whereby we didnt speak to each other.and we were ordered to get to know each other at the end of the day.HA.i rmbed our two instructors keng siong and amanda who served as pretty good instructors with lotsa advice to dispense.even on the first day.

and the funniest sight was the guys all wearing the flat top peak caps.haha

other than that, today was kinda rotten

continuation of the rest

another day of spending with this social inadequacy called my brother...went to buy books at his school.the ironic aim that greeted me when i walked up the steps of the school made me laugh really bad.men of wisdom and stature...maybe a small number la.but it's pretty sure not my brother included.oh well, he belongs to the big majority called the kiss-my-ass rejects of society.pardon my ravings here.i don't say anything at home cos his jaw is like begging me to crush it, together with his teeth and nose to complete the set.oh yeah...

boredness

basketz.today's been a really boring day.i feel guilty not working on TOK essay.

oh yeah...i printed my own passport sized fotos.HAHA and when i printed my brother's one.he told me its inferior work.what a joke man.criticizes it w/o seeing it.doesnt know what he says man..

he's like a GEP with no brains.that would make him biological waste with no value to the world at all.oh well...too bad for the world he's still alive

bloody sian

man... guys we need to hang out sometime in the week.

i just realised yesterday was one year after i went to police academy to collect the uniform for CIBTC. i rmb the feeling man.after so long of no bitching as an NCO then after that finally kena bitch again.well i rmb the first one that yelled at us was winnie, with hao jun and his ultimate cool demeanor.i thought his blood ran on 10 degrees.keng siong was giving the lecture on guy's uniform do-it-right.and only samuel was taking down ALL the things that they said.and i was wondering whether mandy's mole was real or not...and i rmb getting the jitters after that shock treatment.u'd think i'd lost interest in life or something.sheesh...

i'm looking for a cd which have really great christmas carols.i know corrrine may has got one.but i'm looking for one that has alota nice heavenly voices with a large selection of songs....to recreate the feeling of christmas.sheesh, i simply love the feeling of it la.just that it's positioned so late in dec..haiz.i also got no $$ for shopping for presents.if only NPCC HQ will hurry up and give me my pay that's due cos i'm kind short in cash, considering most of what i saved over the weeks went into michael's birthday treat.i'm not grumbling over it.i'm just complaining of the unnecessarily expensive affair.and SMA owes me 100 plus bucks since july.so right now,i'm a freaking broke guy who probably has to print his own christmas cards to send to friends.oh well, looks like i gotta do some creative thinking alr.

postcards...of a morbid setting

"home"
a shroud of doom is overhead
it looms in the house of gloom
the people
they're related by blood
but they don't have a link with each other

call it a funeral palour
call it a morgue or a jail
there is no warmth, there is no love
the only purpose that drives us
the only problem that plagues us
is the dollars and cents
the hate mail that come
in the form of bills and notifications
the confusion of calls
with a credit company's ineffeciencies

do we care about life anymore?
do we worry whether ths kids are okay?
no we don't
she blows her top like a bloody fire-breathing dragon
he fights his virtual wars with his life on the line
he comes home worrying, enjoying the last vestiges of TV
the fish, the dog, the plants
they help to remove some of the pain
they're reminders of the world still sane

we have our short moments of happiness
but there's a big gap inside
fuck the damn lottery, screw your hope against hope
dont you realise that you're just fucking burning $$?
no wonder she indulges in her korean dvds
no wonder he always catches the late night movies
no wonder he can be absorbed in cyberspace for so long
this is enough to drive a person to hell
such a place breeds killers

this is our wax museum
turn left and you'd see the torture chamber
the air is stale and tense
we're prisoners of our own device
lemme be your guide in hell
Welcome to the Hotel California

a word of advice to parents of kids at age 18 plus...if ur kid cant make it to a U.its destiny's creed.dont stretch your fortunes for some hope.if ur kid's dumb he's dumb...unless you're rich.

SHIOK!!!...or not

oh yeahh...i've like done my first draft of EE. i feel like a rock's off my shhoulders...down one hurdle, another few more to go.but i think they can be quite manageable.

these few days have got me all bundled up in a bunch.the tension at home is almost unbearable.i wanna go out tomoro but again, no one's free.i wont say anything about the situation but right now "family" is a bad word with an equivalent in effect as fuck.no one should come and tell me about this thing called blood relations.i'm so fed up i'm just gonna blow up one day.there's gonna be hell to pay on that day.i'm so tired of controlling my temper when being yelled at.i'm tired of hearing irrationalities from illogical people.

i'm filled so much
i need an outlet to pass it out on
i dont need help and i dont need pity
i only need to be free from this
i only want to live normally
away from this pathetic frailities
away from this stupid irrationalities
i need wings, i need talons
i need to get away from these chains
they say there's some good in everything
well i'm not looking for it anymore
i'm not looking for hope
i'm just seeking it to destroy
my sanity is not weary,
i'm just tired from all this crap
with today comes tomorrow
another day by day
if there's no release
i guess there's only hell to pay

complaining about EE

yes, i've been stuck at home doing nothing but EE, EE, EE and EE.but dont be mistaken.it wont turn out good.cos i got no damn direction in my work.i'm creating and killing words by the thousands.one thousands i mean.i'm kinda pissed with myself for not meeting my own personal deadlines.i am turning mad being cooped up at home.my mother's getting all bloody weird with the housework.this hols are just getting fucked up.i need something enriching or what...my focus is cock.dammit, if someone can loan me a laptop with a word processor i'd just go out and do my EE.home is not a goddamn place to rest in.its a freakin centre of insanity.man this feels like a nightmare.i'm freaking pissed off with my own life.at the end of the day i still woulda accomplished nothing.i serously dunno how to go about my EE.GOSH i just feel like hitting somebody.
and i just saw tab tv encore.some dumb fuck bitches were having some wild time slashing themselves.sheesh man, i dunno how these fools actually feel good slashing themselves.its just damn sick to do that.imagine all the bloody mess your body has to do.if they like to do such sadistic things to themselves, they can always hand me the knife and i'd do the slashing for em.and i guarantee your own stupid self slashes wont compare to it...dumb tards.

fuck

boring....

getting cooped up at home is seriously boring.and EE is getting on my nerves.i seriously hate research papers.nabei chi bai.if i'm gonna work at home, i should at least get a decent lunch.i s'pose cup noodles damn well good eh? too bad they kill your cells.
and i read the newspaper today
lets just say its not nice to eat a pizza that has different ingredients on separate slices.i mean you eat a pizza regardless of whatsoever separate ingredients.if you wanna do that you might as well eat a buffet.it doesnt matter if the price of one ingredient differs from another.they all make up one pizza.i've never heard of this thing called income gap that will result in special treatment.financial assitance yes but not...out of the way treatment

Highlight of the Week: Shen's Birthday

that's mark's exploitations of my camera with his hp


now its kun han's hp


here's leon executing his special move...Drunken Karaoke Super Speed( on ginger ale)


sorry...mark's too hot right now.cam kinda overheated


presenting...the birthday boy, Michael Shen...


we're singing the birthday song for michael if you're puzzled about the look on hisface


and he's turning his head to blow the candles...


he's about to blow the candles! mark stop trying to steal his...BLOW!


HO! the birthday boy even gets a photo with the pretty waitress.you go, michael!

oh yeah...happy birthday michael shen.damn boring week its been.and the restaurant's food was really good with its extreme expense it gave us.just like that my painfully saved $30 went off like that like rainwater down a storm drain.can actually feel the prick.now i'm left with a miserable $5.ex restaurants are a no-go for me man.altho the food was kinda nice.ooooh..and michael got a picture with the pretty waitress.mark kept thinking she looked like some sister of a friend.he called her marianne but her nametag said something else.then we got really weird calling "marianne" out loud in the restaurant.i think after shen's picture with her.she got quite traumatized...i wouldn't blame her.oh well, what's an outing without our nonsense?

after lotsa hanging out, we decided to go home.
and today it was really painful with only cup mee as lunch and EE to "fill" my day...
my holidays are kinda boring.and i'm starting to hate this damned game called "world of warcraft".its freaking sound is damn irritating.with all that killing and slashing and "not enough magic"irritate the crap outa me.its my brother playing the com.there will be the day when such frailities of life are eliminated
and the worse thing about today was my mum's "amazing" ability to prioritise finances. i have to renew some important scheme of somewhat and she says its a waste of $$.oh well, if she didnt use any $$ to waste on some bloody 4D or TO-TO, i'd actualy consider her statement logical.oh but wth man...gamblers.i have one in my family.the way i see it, gambling's like hope plus $$ in it.and there's no way losses can be recouped.that's even worse with hope that the next time will be better. idunno what this people live for man.
absolutely pathetic...frailities of life.there will come a day when all these are eliminated.

primary school kids

u know ah, i read this article on straits times about some p6 kid who's in some relationship.sheesh,she's having problems with more than one guy.i'm amazed at the things kids do these days.ay man, a word of advice.stop flying around flowers and start working on the hive la.dont screw up ur life just cos of some teeny weeny love problems.well unless you're a twit then u can always ignore what i said.other than that dont try to grow up so fast la.stuff like relationships can always wait when there's no studies to worry about...
dont be stupid!

i'm like fed up.having to do work is just freaking sian.esp if its EE.gosh i'm like how sian reading just to judge between this and that and whether it'd make the word count.damn damn damn fed up.and suntec city was kinda crowded with the rain making worse.haiz,ultimate man...

sky's pouring for some time
we walk silently under the umbrella
the world seems silent around us
everyone doesn't seem to notice us

we dont talk normally anymore
we dont see each other eye to eye
that feeling that came so fast
had faded out like most of the sunlight
its hard to see your face
its hard to hear you speak

i would wish for more
but i guess i have to do
with this picture of you
in my mind as i walk alone
under the rain

dun ask me where that come from.rain always makes me feel all poetic

Just Another Boring Day

dean's tea few pictures.this is the reception with everyone...or most.


that's me,dr marc van loo and leon...

today i was rather bored.with like sian-ness all over la.the most interesting event of the day: watching my sassy gal the umpteenth time.then tried doing EE.got kinda confused halfway.watched smallville.boring boring boring...
ARGH...need ta go out.why does school have to end so soon man?

Dean's Tea

today's like the last day i'm going to school.can't seem to see any other day i'm coming back.oh well dean's tea was kinda funkay.i went to jin yi's house before that and his dog didnt seem to catch the idea of buzz off.man, i spend so much time with my dog that i'd probably have its undetectable-by-humans-but-by-dogs scent.but it still clung to me like i held food in my hands.tsk.after eating the lunch i bought and brought to his house quickly, we wnt to take a cab with jon lui to school and decided to wait until it was time.

oh well today's seriously the day that we're gonna last see dr marc van loo.man i'm seriously gonna miss him la.(stop thinking weird) he's like one of the teachers i thought "cool".and i really appreciate the big feast that dr ong paid for.big as in price big.sheesh, i'd never got har gao for reception man.hoho.and mr farlowe still knows me from sec 2,albeit in an unpleasant incident.

oh well, i feel kinda melancholic now that we aint gonna see each other anymore.its only me myslf and studies.i hate this hols man...

we've come to the end
where pain and sweetness
intertwined to separate
i've only got a picture of you in my heart
i wonder how christmas is gonna come...

The Last Day

today hasn't been really been more entertaining than yesterday.the last day of all the classes with dean's list and FOCUS camp.morning started out with bio.hmmm, nothing much to say.only the bears are cute? then we went to the library to watch mark play...an embarrassing game.then it was the last chem option lecture.rather sian-ness ringing in the lecture.yeah and i finally found where our SMA money is.on its way to school.there goes Christmas shopping man.
and thats it for today!my EE needs doing.i'm gonna try to do it within 15 days man.pfft.draft 1. or o.5

in the ending days
your chances of meeting her decrease
are you happy school's out?
or are you worried she'd forget you
when she goes off on her trip?

is it pain or joy in your heart
when you're in the same place
but differing in heartbeats
sure, she looks at you
but what lies behind those eyes?
what is her heart saying?

you want to get closer to her
but you realise it's so hard to meet
you know you aint got much time
before everything ends
every night you dream of her
hold her hands and laugh with her
but you awake with only a smile on your face

Boring Day

YES..today seems like a boring day.like bloody boring.besides the chem lecture, everything was absolutely BAD BAD BORING.i think the only interesting thing i did today was say hi to prisca with a lil bit of conversation, together with mark.yeah u can see the pathetic state of things that happened.took the long boring bus home.bathed,boiled water for my cup noodles tried to sit down and do EE but managed to get some skimpy outline of contents.slept.watched TV.went out for a run.and its night liao.kao sia...

tomoro is the last of these activities.darned well i hope it ends with a bang.and i'm itching to go out for lunch tomoro.sheesh, cup noodles are so not substantiating.pardon me if i'm whining and all.

a story that's written in sand
with two trails of footsteps
a couple holding hands, walking
they look so sweet together
have you ever seen a tomcat
licking a tammycat in an act of love?

moments of magic, moments of love
transient periods that you'd miss by blinking
who do you love? whom do you think of?
when the night's cold bits through your skin
who will come into mind to keep you warm?

the scenerey around you
everchanging so quickly
the only beauty that never changes
is your love for each other

well thtas urban for you man.i saw the cats just now when i was running.i thought it was kinda sweet...haha

oh yeah.correction from yesterday:the fish leong tickets are for some autograph cum miniconcert...

A New Week with New Burdens

i'd be darned.today's chemistry FOCUS was kinda empty with about half the class missing.seemed alot quieter with less stupid questions being asked.kinda liked that.and bio dean's list class was liveliest from all that sessions.there was interaction,guess mr see has it in him to make the class get some life.again, the bio olympiad people came in to join us.i'm not going to say anything bad about it.but i express dissatisfaction about this.we've worked hard to get into the these list and then some people from unknown regions just burst in like that claiming to be in the bio olympiad.i dunno how much of this helps them but i think its lost its authenticity.forgive me if i sound like some arrogant prick...

ok, there's another issue going around.i dunno how many important eyes are watching this space now but its seriously peeving me that people are trying to censor me.u can't stop a person from having unhappy sentiments neither can u try to make a person undislike a person.i think its absolutely absurd that people try to make two people with quarrels with each other their entire time they've met kiss and make up.cos that ain't the way to go man.certainly not for me.this is excepting all those big warring factions of course.oh well looks like this place is rather controlled about the language, looks like i gotta search for another public channel to direct my unhappy sentiments.

AND FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, I'M ENTITLED TO MY RIGHT OF SPEECH SO NO DIPSHIT SHOULD ACTUALLY SAY I'M BEING MEAN OR THAT I SHOULDN'T SAY SOME NASTY COMMENTS.PERIOD.

oh and i got fish leong concert tickets.any takers?i doubt i'd be going for her concert so if anyone's interested(friends) in buying from me, can always contact me.
for those who dunno her.the song playing on my blog is sung by her.oh and she's a malaysian.yeah...

love is like watching the sunrise
every day feels like a new day
you just wanna see her face again
hear her angelic voice ring in your ears
see the light bounce off her hair
let her smile brighten up your day
despite the wrong side of the bed you woke up on
and no matter how long
you'd never grow tired of it
but deprived of it, you'd die

that's for love addicts.get off that feeling and you'd be pretty fine.or you can run on hatred.which is pretty not recommended.and if you're wondering, i'm not in love.this is just to brighten up the dark posts.

Outa Ideas, Outa Titles

kinda running on dry in terms of ideas.oh back to yesterday, after delivering the nail clippers to HCA, we went to novena to hang out.it became some ultimate talking cock session.then, only kangdi ashley chermaine xinling kunhan and me were left.haha

been reading death note manga alot.stuck at volume 24.its seriously kinda cool.man if i even had half their brain power, i'd be how owning in grades la.

ok got some inspiration for a poem.hee

time paid in overdue, help rendered
a feeling blossomed,a hint of tenderness
in a form much unexpected, a smile most unnoticed
show me what love is, i've lost all clues on it
tell me quick before it ends,let me feel before it fades

do i know you from another time and place?
was it a miracle of our past lives that we may meet?
some feeling i cant comprehend
is it a transient period of bliss?
a false feeling of happiness?
can i still have this feeling tomorrow?
can anyone tell me where this road leads to?
to some eternal doom or further greatness
answer i dont wanna know, the truth i dread to hear

sleep beckons while the moon watches over the world
dreams where hopes become actual realities
you and i hold each other for that time
seeming like an eternity but yet not enough
daylight and alarms pull us apart
as i look forward to see you again...today

ok, this one doesn't sound so power but its all i can squeeze.and its not representative of any kind of feelings i'm having now.sheesh, the very thought of that actually happening is mortifying...

whoo! the past few days have been a blast.ok the dean's list class for bio not really entertaining with all that cancer cells all over the place.then there's the chinese exam.just cross my fingers and hope to get a 7 cos there aint gonna be much 7s around in my grade.and there's chem lecture where i learnt why my brother's so hooked on computer.not bad eh? and xinhui like ponned dean's lesson today la.sure hope the warning that we must attend all lessons isn't for real or she wont be able to get her nice cerificate.oooh,and kuan meng attended the dean's list lesson today.made the exclusiveness of the dean's list just DIE in one appearance.so much for prestige

ok as for the nailclipper project, it made my week so meaningful altho there was the pissing off of theodore cos he had no one to go out with.speaking of which the chem focus is kinda slo rate cos of some really sad rhetorical questions interrupting the lesson.ok back to the nail clipper, what started out as a helping hand for the friend became a passionate task to help the elderly.lotsa gluing and painful processes like searching for glue all over school while getting caught in dean's office by dr ong( i actually asked him if there were spare glue) got chased out.oh yeah.
to prisca, ahn, iwan,ashvin, martin, richard,gerard,enoch, carrin and alot more.thanks for making this session a really good one.and of course for making the week meaningful!

Sean Lee
12 Feb 1989
Christian

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