Tuesday, July 31
Second Submission for TNP: Be Yourself Day 2006
Urban Loner
Dark night, star light
Moon shines upon the sky
The breeze blows, the wind knows
Love is in the air tonight
I walk the urban nightscape
Alone, while couples huddle
I try to reach for that star
Only to be stopped by the streetlight
Feel around my pocket
Loose change and a photo in a locket
Warmth fills my soul
Beating back the cold air
Which the windows of my tattered clothes invite
Walk into a telephone booth
An unshaven chin spotted on the gleaming metal
I fumble with the coins, my eyes caught sight
The face of fond memories that never happened
A reminiscing pain of love that never was
My heart, like moonlight, was always pure
Too many dark clouds, too much starlight
Blind you to my original intentions
Leaving them only an urban phantom
I stumble out of the booth
Spot a park bench for the night
Lie down and wait
Until sleep and dreams overtake
Where you and I stand together
Admiring the pure moonlight
sorry for the immaturity oozing out of it....sheesh.i ust found em on hotmail beta or something.
these poems do not reflect my present state of mind
let us observe silence...for now
escorted @ 11:54 PM;
Poems submitted for TNP:Be Yourself Day 2006
Identity
You meet this girl online
You want to know her well
Try to charm her
Try to make conversations interesting
After some time, she gives you her number
You’re that online friend she made
One whom she can imagine
A personality she can shape
Talking on the phone till 3am
Her sweet voice seems to ring
A melody sweeter than MP3 ringtones
You talk about everything under the sun
Until sleep overtakes you
SMS conversations
They kill your bill
Even a little hello and good night
You hide yourself behind texts and emoticons
You’re the best phone buddy she’s got
Waiting waiting….
Tension lies in the air
You grip your mobile
Almost squeezing a reply from it
Who are you to her?
She asks for a picture
MMS, SMS, Friendster, etc…
You get paranoid over a photo
A thousand shots of the same thing
Photoshop every single detail
Edit- not too big not too small
You want to look good for her
You decide to meet
To hang out, to eat, to talk
At the Macs at King Albert Park
You fish out that pair of shoes
The branded goods which you save
For that special occasion
Breath mints- check
Teeth brushed and whitened
Hair waxed in the most fashionable way
You hardly recognize the man in the mirror
“Ring, ring…”
You pick up the phone
She said she’s going to be late
You drum your fingers on the table
And say brightly, “its ok, I’d wait”
Picking at your nails for the umpteenth
She pops in
You want to wave to her
But just decide to play it cool
“Ring, ring…”
“Ay, where are you ah…?”
You give her directions
She sits opposite you
Dressed simply
Conversation, what a foreigner
Like a lost tourist in town
It moves and stops
Abrupt silence
She starts to get bored
Your jokes are seemingly lame
They aren’t your thing
A last try
“Let’s go watch a movie”
On the way to the cinema
The bus journey filled with silence
You think you lost your mouth
Then, she wants to go to the CD store
You both reach for the same CD
James Blunt
She raises an eyebrow
And points at the techno album at the other side
You shake your head
Time for the cinema
Two tickets to the Lake House
The plot builds up
As do your tears
She sobs,
You offer a tissue
At the same time,
Wiping away your teardrop
Perhaps you didn’t see the look
One of surprise
Directed at you
From the corner of her eye
It’s getting late
You offer to send her home
Walk by the florist’s
Some last minute flowers
Few from your heart
Many from your image
She holds them
A quizzing look on her face
A faint smile
You’ve reached her home
You start to stutter
Apologise for such a bad time
She just giggles and tip-toed
To give you a peck on your cheek
You’re stunned
She says, “Just be yourself.”
Smiles and walks into her house
sorry for the immaturity oozing out of it....sheesh
escorted @ 11:52 PM;
Saturday, July 28
As I await the setting of my detergent
yup, as i await the setting of the weird detergent in the toilet bowl for it to be cleansed, here i blog
not been catching much sleep these days. like i was half asleep doing that commentary last night. i think it was quite bad la.yeah and i crashed onto my bed all the way till 1200.from 0230 to then. i've still some hours left to catch.sorry, i've become some super sleeper these days.that's probably why i'm blogging now so i don't have to blog tonight in half eyed sleepiness
names are labels we call ourselves
names are labels we want the world to see us
names may be aliases and pseudonyms
but none of these are our actual ones
i heard your name from afar
though it meant something to me
it became a thought i shelved away
marred by false aliases that people give
sometimes names are not meant to show
tell the others what they wish to know
giving your actual name is a liability
but faking it loses your credibility
hear my alias from others and my mouth
it's similar, varies by a little from the truth
there's nothing i can do that can erase label
i guess i can only leave it on the table
names that we hear about others
but from the mouths of misled others
they do not make things good nor a fad
but they certainly mar an impression bad
names, like numbers, don't sound so good
when you take it from others like koping food
it doesn't give the owner a good impression
but it leaves you with a worse misinterpretation
the name of cain comes to mind
among the many ones of the fiends
my name's no Paul or Peter
but you certainly can't see it in a meter
among many many factors that live
and exist to cut relations and cleave
misconceptions and ghosts
uneasy sights and stigma?
i walk up the stairs with my multitude of names
carrying the lies of many others and lost games
what do you see when you think you know me
when your eyes are just so far away?
escorted @ 12:42 PM;
Friday, July 27
0322
the time now is 0322. i'm freakin late. gonna have like one hour sleep only i guess
while i wait for the stupid printer to print out the stupid world lit. lemme blog abit
whoo ha. i got bloody drafted into the nice NDP. unlike dearest leonard (who complains about it but secretly sees it as an honour) i deign it worse than a chore. imagine having to stand there on the stadium just some sign post for lil ol barker boys to come through. yeah and i looooove the name they gave us F-ups....wel it stands for some f word up point la.but use you imagination abit
and one more thing
i can't seem to forget i can't seem to let go. it's just so darned everyday that i actually getting used to this feeling.i've got some poem stuck in my head, heh,but i'd post antoher day.
so i can catch my remaining 2 horus of sleep.
escorted @ 3:17 AM;
Sunday, July 22
The Way It Is
"I ain't got no money..." no that's not what i'm blogging about today.not that timbaland song.tho it has a catchy tune....
It's been some time (or a week) since I last blogged here. Well, the computer crashed on me, so I can't really access anything for a week, and I'm using my brother's computer that crashed a few weeks back to do world lit and then blog here.
Firstly, there's turbulence at home. alota tension here and there. man, my father's getting really dictator around here. like he earns the $ and gets to talk around here. the rest of us here exist cos of his $$ and if we aint got no contribution, we should shut up. that's the general idea happening around here.and no, there's no changing his mindset about this. and my brother just adds to the spice of it all, doing his usual teenage rebel thing. and arguments ensue day in and out. I don't think I've got much to contribute to this mess cos I try my best to stay out without getting into trouble.
I'm all burnt out man. considering those dingy grades I've been receiving, I'm probably affected. I don't know how biology could have been better, but it has to be cos of good ol IA that just factors some marks away like nobody's business. like every school can't meet their darned international standard and has to be imperfect, therefore whole world minus marks. so if you only got 85 marks for final paper then it's goodbye 7 by a mm.
Well, if biology was that bad, then chemistry must be worse. I can't even reach the grade 7, despite all the practice and rereading. suddenly mistakes i never foresaw just kept popping up in my face. i seriously didn't know that they were wrong.i guess i have to contend with such a grade?
Mathematics was a relief. which is not good cos it wil turn out to be a maverick subject. that'd a serious no-no.
english is practically condemned man. I feel like I'm some foreign student who decided to undertake some powerful language. My world lit is in pieces and my IOC feels inadequate.My double papers are fluctuating marks.
business is just as bad because i lack common sense to concoct strategies.
I guess all I can say is that my final grade may be some serious disappointment.
There was the law talk. It was rather interesting. but it made me see the stress behind the cases. It's seriously no joke ok...
I see the things that transpired this week, and I seriously want to dispute something. but it's not going to be effective. the lies that others feed about me...I don't know. The best lie is told when it sounds logical and closest to the truth with one variable untrue.
escorted @ 1:43 AM;
Saturday, July 14
time-crawling
that's basically the term you use when life's been slow mo in all sadistic fashion (enuf about the self pitying already).time moves at a snail's pace
watching, feeling, pacing
it's an old habit
little sneaky glances
crawling across the tables and obstacles
what aches inside is the time factor
time, evades your grasp,
gives a sucker punch in retaliation
a wake-up call for this limbo
if a scientist said that i'd never see
the sunrise after the four months
there's no avenue to look away
no reason to avoid cherishing every day
where the sunrise is still there
groundwater: it flows inside
never to the outside world
only to a stream, where memories
are kept in pain or happiness/nostalgia
is there anything left to say?
when i watch you walk away
each and every other day
there's only the melancholy of a violin
i don't mean to feel this way
this sadness and pain
free nerve endings
everything else just fades away
where are the painkillers?
endorphins and enkephalins
lost in waves and waves of guilt
must be washed away from you
don't sense what i feel
i can't explain it
worry yourself elsewhere better
not in this valley of depression
tomorrow needs to come to turn today
with each ticking second, minute hour
i wish today can keep repeating itself
bring on the pain if it must hurt
there's still the sunrise
hand open, hand closed
out in a shake, retracted
eventually it will only be clenched
in regretful goodbyes and silent farewells
tears don't flow in the light
but sorrow pours in the dark
the cold harsh wind of reality
makes me close my eyes
and know what hurts the most
uhhuh..the week's been a time crawler. i now know that my grades won't fulfil any high points and that sucks. and i know it sounds funny saying this but those who can help kuan meng with his practicals, please try your best to help. otherwise he gets retained and that won't be good cos it'd waste one year of his life.
and seriously, i don't like this self-pitying routine in me but it's something i thought i could avoid.looks like it has to be overcome.
results on monday. how do you put God in the driving seat?
escorted @ 2:57 AM;
Sunday, July 8
post-lude??
alright, as i was saying. i think i kind of screwed up my papers in terms of business and English. hmm yeah.i'm like totally neglecting my SL subjects, which is not good cos i can't guarantee my HLs getting 7s.
maths wasn't that bad - meaning that about at least 50% of the level would be thinking so.at least i'm doing Mr Dutt some justice (cos he thinks i've got some learning ability that i seriously doubt). unless the laws of nature change drastically, i don't think i'd fail.
chemistry will be murdered by MCQ and also cos of my laziness (i couldn't be bothered to draw the last stereoisomer nor memorize the conditions needed for condensation)
biology will be so murdered by my inability to regurgitate properly.man, like it's no freakin surprise that you will beat me, so don't laugh in my face when u do so, all ye people who wanna beat me (the lowest of the dean's list)
yeah, like how are you gonna own everyone in there except me when i'm at the bottom? sounds kinda reverse logic
business - paper one was deceptively easy.well how difficult can suggesting strategies, explaining conflicts and conducting pest analysis get? too damn dificult to score
paper two is just as tragic.i didn't complete the paper. like i didn't do finish that six mark question and the five mark one as well.i oughta get slapped
English - too little points.sorry.i don't do my English teachers justice.considering one is darned good at analysing passages while the other is so driven to make you read and understand the stuff about the books.
escorted @ 1:22 AM;
Saturday, July 7
an afterthought
ooooh
this is gonna be brief cos i've got a splitting headache
ENG - i'm so not gonna do well.maybe manage a pass?
CHEM - i'm not gonna get a 7 with all kindsa mistakes all over the place
BIO - i'm not gonna get a 7 with all kindsa missing keywords and rubbish
MATH - maybe....just maybe.cos i filled in all the blanks
BUSINESS - hell, my new name is called FAIL B & M
feeling really bad in this whole period.shall elaborate tomorrow.sleep is important now
heartache~
escorted @ 12:06 AM;
